My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobwebof lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.
I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything. we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends'. 我不再珍藏任何东西,我用上好的瓷器和水晶器,庆贺每一件事--比如减掉了一磅体重,打通了堵塞的下水道,开放了第一朵茶花。只要我喜欢,我会穿上我漂亮的夹克衫去逛超市。我的逻辑是:如果我看上去够有钱,我会毫不犹豫地花28.49美元去买一小带杂货。我不会珍藏我的名贵香水去等待一个特殊的晚会,商店职员和银行出纳员的鼻子跟我舞友的鼻子有着同样的功能。
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing , hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done, had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing--I'll never know. “总有一天”和“某一天”对我已失去了意义。如果某件事值得去看,去听、去做、我会立刻去实行。我不知道,如果我妹妹知道她不再拥有我们都认为理所当然会到来的明天时,她会怎么做。我想她会给家人和一些亲密的朋友打电话。她会打电话给以前的一些朋友,为曾经发生过的争论道歉或弥补关系。我想她会出去,到一见中餐厅,吃她最喜爱的食物。我只是采写--永远都不会知道了。
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry ,if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with”someday.” Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write--one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.