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奥斯卡理事会奖

In the summer of 1992, as I was floundering between unwatchable Euro-pudding films and unwatchable low-budget miniseries, I was absolutely flabbergasted when my then-agent, a poisonous little madman, sent me a really good script. I thought there'd been a mistake. That had actually happened a few years earlier with another film, which was meant for Tom Cruise.

1992年的夏天，我还在没人爱看的欧洲烂片和低成本短剧中挣扎，我当时的经纪人，那个恶毒的疯癫小男人，竟然给我寄了一部十分好的剧本，我很震惊。我在想这肯定是寄错了。事实上，几年前也发生过这种情况，他把本该寄给汤姆·克鲁斯的剧本寄给我了。

But he sent me this very good script, and it had a great part, and it was called Four Weddings and a Funeral. I went to the audition and, frankly, I was rather good.

但他寄给我一个很好的剧本，里面有个很棒的角色，这部电影叫《四个婚礼和一个葬礼》。我去参加了试镜，说实话，我表现得相当不错。

And it was lovely because the director, Mike Newell, liked me and wanted me. And the producer liked me and wanted me. And the money people wanted me.

令人高兴的是，导演，迈克·内威尔，喜欢我，想选我。制片人也喜欢我，想选我。投资人也想让我参演这一角色。

And the only person who didn't want me, and in fact took such an instant and violent dislike to me, that he did everything in his power to stop me getting the part, was the writer. And it is this arsehole who we are going to honour tonight.

而唯一不想让我来演的人，就是这部剧的编剧。他刚一见到我就对我产生了强烈的厌恶，所以他千方百计阻止我得到这个角色。我们今晚要致敬的就是这个混蛋。

Four weddings really represented only about the halfway point of what was already a repulsively successful career. Pretty much everything that had been even remotely funny on British television in the preceding 15 years had either been written or co-written by this person.

《四个婚礼一个葬礼》的成功只不过是他那令人讨厌的职业生涯的中间点。在过去的15年里，这个人几乎是英国电视上所有搞笑节目的编剧或者联合编剧。

But now he was choosing to refocus his massive brain and his not-at-all-clean and, in fact, broken national health glasses on writing film scripts.

但他再次带着他聪明的大脑，还有他那副脏兮兮，破破烂，免费领的眼镜，投身到电影剧本事业里去了。

First of all, he wrote Four Weddings. Then he wrote Notting Hill. Then he co-wrote Bridget Jones. And then he wrote Love Actually. And all of them were massive successes. Massive successes, despite, of course, having the wrong actor in one of the lead roles. I suppose it just shows you the quality of the writing. Well done.

首先，他创作了《四个婚礼和一个葬礼》。然后是《诺丁山》。然后与人联合创作了《BJ单身日记》。然后他又创作了《真爱至上》。这些作品都大获成功。尽管其中一部剧的主角选错了，但还是获得了巨大成功。我想这恰恰证明了他剧本的质量。很好！

He also, of course, went on to direct his own films, and you would think that given that most of his films were about love, that he would have been, or would have had as a directorial style, he would have been gentle and soft, perhaps loving. You would have been quite wrong. Forever etched on my heart are some of the notes he gave me, including, and now to a funny one. And don't worry, we can cut round you.

当然，他后来还执导了自己的电影，鉴于他的大部分电影都是关于爱情的，大家会觉得他本人或者说他的导演风格应该是温柔的，或者说是充满爱意的，那你大错特错了。我的心中永远铭刻着他给我的一些话，包括现在要讲的一个有趣的故事。别担心，我们可以帮你剪掉这部分。

Anyway, while all this was going on, not content with saving the British film industry, he decided he also had to try and save the whole bloody world. Something I found annoying. Because there I would be in one of the lulls in my career because of some flop or some arrest or whatever.

总之，在这一切发生的同时，他并不满足于拯救英国电影行业，还决定要拯救整个该死的世界。我觉得这很烦人。因为我当时因为票房低迷，还因犯错被捕而陷入事业低谷。

And I'd be frankly desperate for Richard's next film and I'd be told I'm sorry he's away for a year in Africa saving starving children. I found that annoying and frankly selfish.

坦率地说，我对理查德的下一部电影充满期待，而他却非常抱歉地告诉我说，他要去非洲一年，拯救因饥荒吃不上饭的儿童。我觉得这很烦人，说白了就是自私。

And then, of course, we all started getting roped into his fundraising. And I imagine that half this room includes some of his victims. Every two years, you'd come to dread the phone call, could you possibly put on this little red nose and, I don't know, mud wrestle with Colin Firth while Maggie Smith plays the bongos or something?

然后，我们都开始被拉入他的筹款活动。我想在座有一半的人都是他的受害者吧。每隔一年年，你都会害怕接到一个电话，问你能不能戴上这个小红鼻子，然后和科林·费尔斯在泥巴里摔跤，让玛姬·史密斯在旁边敲小手鼓什么的。

Or would it be alright if we filmed you having your buttocks waxed by Tony Blair? It was that sort of thing. And the answer was, you know, I did mind. It was awful. And it was relentless. It was a nightmare.

或者是可不可以让我们拍一下托尼·布莱尔给你脱臀毛，诸如此类。我的回答是，我不愿意，这太可怕了。但他却不依不饶，简直是噩梦。

And in the end, I offered him an enormous check to just go away and never do it again. He never asked me again to do anything silly like that. A deal he accepted and then broke his word over and over and over again, which is in fact why I'm standing here before you tonight.

最后，我给了他一张巨额支票，让他滚蛋，别让我再做这样的事。他当时答应的很好，却一次又一次地食言，这就是我今晚站在你们面前的原因。

But I will say this, I am in fact delighted and of course honored to be here and to be giving you, Dickie, where are you? There you are, this Oscar. Would we call it an Oscar? It's a kind of Oscar, isn't it? It's a better than nothing Oscar.

但我要说的是，我很高兴，当然也很荣幸能在这里给你...小蒂，你在哪儿？看到你了，向你颁发这个奥斯卡奖。这个可以叫奥斯卡奖吗？也算是一种奥斯卡奖，对吧？这应该叫“总比没有好”奥斯卡奖。

Listen, I do... I love him very much. And I think that you and I need to do one more film before we get dragged and dropped to the great junk folder in the sky. I don't know what it could be. It could be four funerals and a wedding. It could be...Bridget Jones's diaper. But we should do something.

其实，我真的非常爱他。我想在我们老去被世人遗忘之前，还需要再拍一部电影。我不知道是什么电影，可能是《四个葬礼和一个婚礼》，也可能是......《BJ的尿布》，但我们应该再拍点什么。

And meanwhile, here is a little film which is all about you, and in particular, it's about your goodness, which seems to be, like the great actress who we both so admired as young men, insatiable.

这是一部关于你的小电影，尤其是关于你的善良之心，就像我们年轻时都追崇伟大女演员一样，永不满足。