A Ten-Minute Play

by

Scott C. Sickles

Cast of Characters

Paul FISHER: 30s, Bloom's ex

Jared BLOOM: 30s, Fisher's ex

PAUL Fisher: FISHER in his 20s, Jared's spouse

JARED Bloom: BLOOM in his 20s, Paul's spouse

Note: The actors playing FISHER and PAUL should resemble each other.

The same should be true of BLOOM and JARED. The two pairs should also

be easy to differentiate from each other. (e.g. FISHER/PAUL are tall

with dark hair and BLOOM JARED are shorter with red hair.)

Scene

A public restaurant and a private bedroom.

Time

Five years after and seven years during their marriage.

QUEENS FROM A MARRIAGE by Scott C. Sickles was originally presented by

Pyramid Productions (Ted Hoover and Melissa Martin, producers) in its

No-Doze Dozen marathon of ten-minute plays at the City Theatre Lab in

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, on July 23, 1993. It was directed by Ted

Hoover. Art Manion was the stage director. The cast, in order of

appearance, was as follows:

Paul FISHER Brian Czarniecki

Jared BLOOM Michael James

PAUL Fisher Jamie Pickett

JARED Bloom John Highberger

SETTING: Up stage, two chairs behind a table. Down stage, sheets and

pillows set up to represent a bed. A prop phone should be placed under

the pillows.

AT RISE: PAUL and JARED are in bed, under covers. FISHER and BLOOM sit

in their seats. Lights fade out on PAUL and JARED.

FISHER

Thanks for meeting me.

BLOOM

Well, it's been awhile.

FISHER

I heard about you and� the train guy. I'm sorry.

BLOOM

Don't be. He was a while ago. You haven't kept very good tabs on me.

Which is fine. Last time we spoke, you were seeing that window

dresser. He seemed nice.

FISHER

He was. Very cheerful. We split a few months ago. All that sunshine

got on my nerves. I guess I was used to your�

BLOOM

Incessant bitching?

FISHER

Individual perspective. You've lost weight.

BLOOM

Thanks; you're aging well. Sorry. I get a little catty when you're on

my mind. Not that it happens that often. Sure, every day, but for

shorter periods of time, usually in public rest rooms for some reason.

FISHER

When it does, what do you think about?

BLOOM (staring at Fisher's crotch)

Nothing specific.

FISHER

I remember things that made you smile: holding hands in movie

theatres, falling asleep together on the divan, that spot behind your

knee--

BLOOM

Before you go on, let's focus on the positive. What about me do you

miss the least? I usually start out missing you and then convince

myself I shouldn't.

(Lights cross fade to JARED and PAUL.)

PAUL

Why do we have to rush this?

JARED

I'm not the one who wants to end this marriage; I'm simply the reason

you want to. I'm willing to try fixing this--

PAUL

Oh, please. All you ever do is bitch about how aloof I am. It never

occurs to you that after seven years, I might need--

JARED

If you say "need some space," the clich� police will force me to kill

you. You can have all the "time apart" you need to "find yourself,"

while I hang myself with one of your old trick's jock straps.

PAUL

After all that, what can I say?

JARED

Try "goodbye."

(Lights cross fade to FISHER and BLOOM.)

FISHER

Maybe this was a bad idea. I just thought� I wanted to see if there

was�

BLOOM

"�anything left between us?" Oh, please. Seven years isn't adequate

trial and error? Could we talk about something else? I'm sensing

countless hours of insurance-funded therapy going up in flames.

FISHER

I hoped we could see more of each other to find out if we wanted to start seeing each other again. Then maybe�

BLOOM

You're hopeless. I will tell you, though, I don't only remember bad things. But, my feet stay bolted to the ground.

(Lights cross fade to JARED and PAUL)

JARED

I'm floating on air. My father didn't ask which one of us was the bride. The pastor was cute. You were dashing, dapper and another appropriate word that starts with "D." The room is elegant. The night is wonderful. Everything is perfect. What's on TV?

PAUL

Are the strawberries and champagne supposed to be romantic or an

aphrodisiac?

JARED

As if we needed an aphrodisiac. I don't know. They're sweet. Like you. Oh, puke, I said it. That's it. One "cornyism" per day until the honeymoon is over, and then no more forever. That only pertains to me, of course. You're going to be corny for the rest of our lives.

PAUL

Do you mind?

JARED

I'll get used to it.

PAUL

I mean staying together that long. I know it's a little late to bring

this up, but I have lots of plans for us.

JARED

Cape Cod house? White picket fence? A very hyper Shih-tzu puppy named

Rommel?

(PAUL and JARED kiss.)

(Lights cross fade to FISHER and BLOOM.)

BLOOM

It wasn't especially unique. It was a marriage. It had good moments and� other moments.

FISHER

All of the apologies were sincere.

BLOOM

Don't you think you're over-romanticizing? I mean, who's to say - not that I'm even remotely interested, mind you, in considering the possibility of finding out whether or not we want to think of spending more time together - but: who's to say we won't have the same problems again?

(Lights cross fade to JARED and PAUL.)

JARED

I can't believe you fucked him! I know I'm not the most exotic lay of

the land. But just because I'm tired for a couple weeks, doesn't mean

I don't mind. If I knew this was your other option, I'd have let you

boink me in my sleep.

PAUL

I tried that. It's the same thing.

JARED

When we were dating, I had no problem with our "open relationship." I

just thought getting married made things� This was your idea. You

wanted the rings, the wedding. "It'll be like Leopold and Loeb without

the mess."

PAUL

This didn't mean anything. I didn't think you wanted to be bothered,

so I� ordered out. We just� lost control.

JARED

How could either of you control yourselves around that magic fuck wand

of yours. Oh, My God! It's�

(JARED mimes being compelled to stick his face in Paul's crotch.)

It's got me! Sucking me in so I'll suck back. How could any mere

mortal resist?

PAUL

Are you finished?

JARED

Not until I bite off your dick.

(PAUL pulls Jared's face out of his crotch.)

PAUL

I apologize. I promise I'll never do this again.

(Lights cross fade to FISHER and BLOOM.)

BLOOM

I think I'm looking for a guarantee knowing they don't exist.

FISHER

I promise if we get back together, I'll do my best to ensure we have completely different problems.

BLOOM

That's an offer. Why do you want this, Paul? I was foul-tempered and clingy. I'd have left me long before you did.

FISHER

Maybe I have bad taste.

(Lights cross fade to JARED and PAUL. JARED talks on a cordless

phone.)

JARED

No, I'm not handing him the phone. I'm an existentialist, Mrs. Fisher,

I don't care what you think. Consider how this looks to me. We return early from Greece because you send a telegram about a family emergency. This turns out to be Paul's ex-fiance's husband dying six months ago. Then, you tell Paul her child is actually his. When Paul mentions this, she doesn't know what he's talking about. This leads me to believe A: you tried to undermine me with some woman who shares a sexual history with your son� my husband� and B: you watch too many soap operas! If you want to apologize for being a conniving bitch, I'll give him the message. Otherwise-- excuse me? You insist? Well, in that case�

(Hangs up.)

PAUL

I always feel better after you malign my mother. I'm sorry about all this.

JARED

It's entertaining. Besides, I really didn't like Greece.

PAUL

You're just saying that to make me feel better.

JARED

No, Paul, I hated it. I don't need foreign sand, heat and bad plumbing to find out how much we love each other. We need to do that right here. I don't know what to do. I've tried more romance, less romance, asking for less complicated sex more often and more complicated sex less often. I keep staring at the Slimfast wondering if it can help.

What can I do, Paul?

PAUL

I don't know. I know you've tried not to burden me with what's on your mind. You haven't mentioned you sob in the shower; Or that your mother was in the hospital again.

JARED

She just wants attention.

PAUL

What's wrong with attention? Maybe you need to bother me more. When you get lost in your head, I should ask you where you're going. We should stop being afraid of loving each other too much. Even if we do.

JARED

I could take this time to make an extremely inappropriate reference to

"lip service."

PAUL

Come here.

(They kiss.)

(Lights cross fade to FISHER and BLOOM.)

FISHER

I work at home, so you could interrupt me any time� anything important� came up. What good has therapy done you if you're still not able to embrace love?

BLOOM

This sounds more like� regret. Desperation. Loneliness.

FISHER

Lust?

BLOOM

Oh, yeah. Lust is definitely--

(Lights cross fade to JARED and PAUL.)

PAUL

What I'm saying is: we should either get serious or split up. And to be honest, I don't know if I'm ready to be serious.

JARED

I don't know either. About you, that is. I know I'm ready to get serious. But, you're probably not. And do I really want a commitment with you? That would be a colossal mistake if you weren't ready, which of course you're not, so why talk about it? I suppose it's been fun�

PAUL

Yes. It was for me. Wasn't it fun for you?

JARED

For the most part. Don't worry. You'll find someone, soon. Maybe they'll have a friend who might know someone I could go out with once or twice before this happens again. Not that this happens all the time; just when I'm in a relationship; which really isn't that often. We can stay friends. You can

JARED (cont'd) tell me how lonely short term, empty flings are, and I can tell you how lonely it is without them. And there'll be good times too, like when we talk about loneliness over cake.

PAUL

We could have a serious, open relationship, couldn't we?

JARED

Are you sure you'd want that?

(Lights cross fade to FISHER and BLOOM.)

BLOOM

I'm beginning to feel a little manipulated here. Not that I don't enjoy it. But, in retrospect, I think we may have been doomed from the start. The point is, we were never what we needed for each other. I needed someone who took our relationship completely seriously. You needed someone who could coast. We're not like that anymore.

FISHER

Can I see you again? Maybe someday we'll find a happy medium. Or just the right people. We can talk about them over cake.

BLOOM

Sure. Call me.

(Lights up on everyone. BLOOM & JARED and FISHER & PAUL look at one another and shrug. Then, they all look at each other not knowing what

to do next.)

(BLACKOUT)

THE END