Happy ending or tomb of love

80后的婚姻难逃“围城”魔咒



导读：许多80后(post-1980s)的年轻人已经迈入了婚姻的殿堂，缺乏充分的了解和足够的容忍，不少婚姻都以失败而告终，年轻人应该如何对待婚姻?

放大这张图片 Internet Happy ending or tomb of love 放大这张图片 Internet Post-80s couples value their own interests and rarely care about other people's feelings. CASIO辞海拾贝 divorce 离婚 离婚 idiosyncrasy 气质, 癖好 impulsive 冲动的 prioritize 以...为重 skeptical 怀疑的 therapist 治疗师

Tina Wang married her first boyfriend in the spring of 2008. By the summer of 2009, they were divorced. "I couldn`t tolerate his temper ...we always argued, "Wang says. "I wanted to find someone who would be a better match for me."

蒂娜•王于2008年春天与初恋男友结婚。这段婚姻只维持到次年的夏天就草草收场了。她说：“我无法忍受他的脾气……我们总是发生争吵，我想要找到一个更适合自己的人。”

Wang belongs to the "post-1980s generation", single children who are the product of China`s 1979 family planning policy and the people who are fueling the country`s rising divorce rate.

王小姐是80后中的一员，她这一代人一般都是独身子女，也是1979年开始推行的“计划生育”政策的产物，正是这些80后生人成为中国离婚率激增的主要诱因。

According to the Ministry of Civil Affairs, 1.71 million couples filed for divorce last year, up 10.3 percent over 2008. There is no specific data on the number of divorces among the post-80s group, but the Chinese Research Association on Youth and Family says 30 percent of such marriages end up failing.

根据民政部公布的数据显示，2009年共有171万对夫妻离婚，该数字相比2008年上升了10.3%。尽管没有明确的数据指出其中80后夫妻所占的数量，但是中国家庭教育研究会的统计显示，30%的80后婚姻以失败收场。

"The reason the divorce rate is high among post-80s couples is mainly that they value their own interests and rarely care about other people`s feelings," says Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of the China Youth and Children Research Center. "They are officially China`s first `Me Generation`."

中国青少年研究中心副主任孙云晓指出，“80后离婚率偏高的主要原因，是他们过分看重自身利益，而很少体谅他人感受。他们是中国真正意义上首个‘自我的一代’”。

What the statistics do not reveal, however, is the emotional growth that occurs among these men and women after divorce.

然而，这些统计数据并没有反映出这些年轻人在离婚后经历的情感成长。

Sun Li (not his real name) actually feels the pressure of social expectations. He married for the second time in 2008, four years after his divorce, because he was "nearing 30 and should have a child".

孙力（化名）确实感受到社会期望所带来的压力。2008年，在第一段婚姻结束四年之后，深受“年近而立当育后”观念影响的他步入了第二次婚姻。

first time at age 22, three months after dating a woman who was two years younger.

22岁时孙力经历了第一段婚姻，对象是一位比自己小两岁的女孩，约会3个月之后，他们就结婚了。

"I was basically impulsive, full of passion, saw my friends were married my parents said I should look for a girlfriend and get married," he says.

他说：“当时一些朋友已经结婚，父母也催促我快点找个女朋友早日完婚，在这种情况下，我头脑一热就结婚了。”

The union lasted only 13 months because the newlyweds preferred to go out and party rather than keep house.

由于这对新婚夫妇喜欢外出聚会，不愿打理家庭生活，这段婚姻只持续了13个月。

"If you can avoid divorce, then avoid divorce," he says. "Especially if you have a child, don`t get divorced. Think carefully about marriage. Think even more carefully about divorce."

“如果可以避免离婚，就尽量避免吧，尤其当你有了孩子之后，就更不要离婚了。对待婚姻要慎重，对待离婚更要慎重。”

The impulsive decisions of the post-80s generation is just one of the factors behind China`s rising divorce rate. The underlying reason, says youth and marriage therapist Ma Fengru, is society`s increasingly progressive views about divorce.

80后的草率决定只是导致离婚率日渐上升的众多因素之一。青年与婚姻问题心理咨询专家马凤茹表示，离婚率上升源于社会对离婚者逐渐宽容的态度。

The decision to marry and divorce is influenced by the growing emphasis on what is beneficial to the individual - in a society that has traditionally been taught to prioritize the welfare of the collective.

不管是结婚还是离婚，人们都更关注哪一种形式对个人更加有利，而不是传统社会中所考虑的集体利益为重。

Tina Wang, meanwhile, is preparing for her second marriage - with her former husband. Wang says meeting her second boyfriend made her realize that her ex was the right man for her.

王小姐正为第二次婚姻做准备——对象是前夫。她承认，和第二个男朋友交往之后，她才意识到前夫才是真正适合她的。

"We`re now more understanding and patient with each other`s idiosyncrasies. We`re more tolerant of each other," she says.

“现在，我们对对方的脾气性格更加了解，也更加耐心。所以更能包容对方。”

Wang admits her friends are skeptical about her decision, but says the remarriage is being welcomed by both sets of parents.

她也坦言，朋友们对她的决定持有怀疑的态度，但双方父母还是比较赞成他们复婚。

(Translator & Editor: Fred AND Christine)