Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) is marked by a person's ability to recognize and understand emotions (both his or her own and those of others), and to use that information to guide decision making.

情商（EI或者EQ）是指一个人辨识和理解感情的能力（包括他/她自己的感情和他人的感情），并利用这样的信息来指导决策。

It includes demonstrating extremely complex qualities such as empathy, sympathy, and compassion.

其中包括个人表现出来的极度复杂的品质，例如移情，同情和怜悯。

Of course, these qualities help us to be better people. But they can also help you break your worst communication habits, so that others receive your message in the best way possible.

当然了，这些品质帮助我们变得更好，也能帮你打破你在与人交流上的恶习，这样，别人就能以最佳的方式接收你的信息。

For example, have you said something recently that you wish you could take back? For years, I struggled with the weakness of speaking too quickly, without thinking things through.

比如说，你最近有没有说过什么你很想收回的话？多年来，我一直纠结在自己不经思考就发话太快这个毛病上。

Curbing that tendency is easier said than done, but there's a quick "three question method" that can prevent you from saying something you'll later regret.

抑制住这个毛病可没那么好办，但是现在，有这么“三个问题”能帮你避免说出一些稍后会后悔的话。

The 3 Vital Questions

三个至关重要的问题

I discovered this brilliant strategy through an unlikely source. I was watching an interview with comedian and television personality Craig Ferguson, when he gave some very sage advice:

我从一个意想不到的地方发现了这一绝妙的策略。当时，我在看喜剧演员兼电视明星克雷格•费格森的一个采访，他在这里面给出了几个非常明智的建议：

There are three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything.

在你说些什么之前，你必须先想想这三个问题。

• Does this need to be said?

这需要说出来吗？

• Does this need to be said by me?

这需要由我来说吗？

• Does this need to be said by me now?

这需要我现在说出来吗？

Ferguson says it took him three marriages to learn that lesson.

费格森说，他付出了三段婚姻的代价，才学到这一教训。

Before you dismiss this method as simplistic, think about how many antagonistic comments this would eliminate from social media. Or, we can take it a step further and consider how it might apply at work:

在你因这个方法太过简单而打算置之不理之前，先考虑一下，这能消除多少社交媒体上的恶评啊。或者，我们可以想得更深些，看看在工作中如何应用这个技巧：

Let's say you're a manager, and you've been working hard to improve the relationships with certain individuals on your team.

假设你是个主管，你一直很努力地想改善你和团队中个别人的关系。

One day, you witness someone doing something great at work, and you take advantage of the opportunity to commend them. Great job! (Sincere, authentic, and timely praise goes a long way in motivating employees.)

有一天，你看到某人在工作上表现很出色，而你想趁此机会称赞一下他。干得好！（真诚和及时的赞美能持续调动员工的积极性。）

But suddenly, you remember how they messed something up a few weeks ago. "I should bring that to their attention, too," you reason. "Let me tell them before I forget..."

可突然间，你记起来他们在几个星期前搞砸了一些事情。“我也得提一提这件事才行，”你分析道。“在我忘记之前，我得告诉他们……”

No! Stop! Ask yourself:

不！打住！先问一下自己：

Does this need to be said?

这需要说出来吗？

Does it need to be said by me?

这需要由我来说吗？

Does it need to be said by me now?

这需要我现在就说出来吗？

True, constructive criticism is best delivered soon after a mistake. But you've already missed that boat.

是的，有助益的批评最好是在犯了错误后马上提出来。但是你已经错过那个时机了。

If you give that negative feedback now, it will completely destroy whatever goodwill you built with your praise and commendation. The person will think:

如果你现在说出这消极的反馈，这会完全毁掉你称赞和表扬他们的好意。对方会想：

"So, essentially you just told me something nice to soften the blow of what you really wanted to say. Jerk."

“所以，说到底，你不过是给我说些好话，好让你真正想说的听起来不那么刺耳罢了。混蛋。”

When you ask yourself the three questions, you'll probably conclude one of the following:

当你自问这三个问题时，你可能会得出以下结论之一：

•You know, the criticism I wanted to share wasn't so important after all. My opinion may even be changing on this.

其实，我想说的那些批评并没那么重要。我对这个事情的看法还可能会改变。

• It might be better if I speak to their team leader first. Maybe what I saw a few weeks ago wasn't really the whole picture.

如果我先和他们组的组长先聊聊可能会好一点。或许我几周前看到的并不全面。

• I definitely still need to talk to them about the problem I saw. But now's not the right time. Let me set a reminder to schedule an appointment with the person after I'm better prepared.

我肯定还得跟他们说说我之前看到的那件事。但现在不是时候。我先记到记事本上，然后再安排一个时间好好跟他们说说，我也好准备一下。

See how well it works?

看到这效果多好了吧？

This is just one scenario, but practicing these three questions will help you in various situations.

这只是一个场景设定，但自己在心中默念这三个问题在不同情况下都会帮到你。

Imagine if everyone did it: We would see far fewer (and shorter) emails, shorter meetings, and fewer employee complaints about others' inappropriate remarks...and yes, maybe even a few saved romances.

想象一下，如果每个人都这么做：我们就能发少些（或者短些）邮件，会议时间也会更短，抱怨他人不当言论的员工也会更少……是的，也许，人与人之间，也能存有些许浪漫情谊。

Keeping It Balanced 维持好平衡

Of course, I'm not discouraging speaking up when appropriate. I strongly believe in honest and direct communication, and there are times when the answer to all three questions will be a resounding yes--even when what we need to say isn't comfortable for us or the recipient.

当然，我并不是不鼓励在适当的时候发话。我强烈地推崇诚实而直接的沟通，有时候，这三个问题的答案会是响亮的“对，是的”——即便是我们需要说的话对我们或对方来说都不是很中听的时候。

When those times come, the three question method will help you speak with confidence--and learn to be assertive when it counts.

当这些时刻来临时，这个方法将会帮助你更自信地说出来——并学会在必要的时候果断坚定。