1. Act rich. For all their democratic brio, people who sell art are only really interested in people who can afford to buy it. The average price of an artwork at Frieze is ￡20,000, which is more than an Alfa Romeo. But acting rich is not as easy as it used to be. Pressed jeans and Tod’s loafers are a uniform of the past. Assume a casual, studied air. When confronted by a work designed to make you laugh, don’t laugh. Haughty disdain goes a long way, although if you can match that of the gallerist, you are made of ice. Don’t be embarrassed to ask the price of anything but never, ever, mention any currency denomination (see point two).

1. 要摆出大款的气派。艺术品兜售者尽管表现得一视同仁、殷勤热情，但其实只对有实力的买主感兴趣。弗雷兹艺博会(Frieze)上艺术品的平均价约为2万英镑，比一辆阿尔法·罗密欧跑车(Alfa Romeo)还贵。但显出大款气派并不像以前那样轻而易举了。紧身牛仔裤与Tod's的乐福鞋(loafers)早已是昔日的标准行头，过了时。如今得展现出闲适、有学问的派头。看到让你忍俊不禁的作品时，万万不可发笑。但傲慢蔑视的神情就走得太远了，就算你在这方面的能力能与画廊老板PK一番，也要表露出冷若冰霜的样子。询问艺术作品价格时，千万别害羞；但切记：决不能提及这些艺术品是以哪种币种计价的。（参考箴言第二条）。

2. So you quite like the look of something, and you ask how much it costs. “Two,” may be the reply. The air of vagueness is a test. You will know, from your studies of the artist in question, whether that means ￡2 (no), ￡200 (unlikely), ￡200,000, or ￡2m. But if the gallerist’s assistant is American, she (almost always a she) may be talking dollars. Don’t ask. Make a rough calculation in your head that covers all possible options. Any physical reaction is ill-advised, other than the barely perceptible raising of an eyebrow. Finally, ask if she will accept roubles. You’re on the front foot now.

2. 你若很喜欢某幅作品，并且询问了价位，对方或许只回答说“2”， 显得含糊其辞，实则是在考验你。从自己对该艺术家的了解程度，可大致判定对方说的是2英镑（断无可能）、200英镑（不太可能）、20万英镑还是200万英镑。但画廊老板的助理若是美国人，她（几乎清一色是女性）说的计价单位就可能是美元。不要直接发问！应在脑海中预估各种可能性。除了难以觉察地抬一下眼皮外，此时身体的任何反应动作都是极不明智的。最后，问对方是否能接受以卢布计价。到了此时此刻，主动权就握在了你手中。

3. Don’t check in your sense of humour at the VIP lounge. Take it with you, wherever you go. There is no need to LOL but a steady, wry chuckle as you wind your way round the aisles will serve you well. If asked your opinion on anything, there are some stock phrases that will come in useful: for example, “referencing Duchamp”, or “rethinking the space between the artist and the spectator”. Almost all contemporary art references or rethinks something or other. As an exercise, try and talk about art without using any word that begins with “re”. Don’t ever use the word “postmodern”, which is dated and not very funny at all.

3．不要光在贵宾室显露自己的幽默感，它应该与您形影不离。无需放声大笑，但沿着过道欣赏艺术品时，不断露出讥讽之笑则大有“裨益”。若对方讨教你对作品的看法时，几个惯用词总能左右逢源：如“参照印象派大师杜尚(Duchamp)”，或是“重新思考艺术家与观众之间的距离”。几乎所有当代艺术都可以用仿效某种画风，或是启发观众重新思考等等来搪塞。平时练习艺术评判时，尽量不用任何带“重新”（Re）之类的词。记住永远不要用“后现代”（postmodern）这个词，因为它表示过时与乏味之极。

4. If there are any pop-ups around, visit them NOW. Pop-ups – restaurants, shops, galleries – are the most potent symbol of the Attention Deficit Disorder age. While we are asked to admire the improvisatory spirit that has brought them into being, we may also be challenged by the paucity of what is popping up. Never mind. The only important thing is to be there, and to be able to say you have been there. Don’t ever buy anything from a pop-up. It is the art fair equivalent of bringing back a sombrero from your Mexican holiday. Take pictures, and zip them around the world via the social media as soon as you possibly can. Seconds count. Bask in your engagement with the sheer nowness of it all. Move on briskly to the next one.

4. 附近若有游击概念店(Pop-ups)，马上光顾。游击概念店包括餐馆、商店以及画廊，是这个多动症时代(Attention Deficit Disorder Age)最具影响力的标志物。我们有幸欣赏成功塑造游击概念店之即兴精神的同时，也可能会因其屈指可数而感苦闷。无需担忧，唯一重要的是自己曾亲临现场看过，而且能底气十足地说自己欣赏过了。记住，永远不要在游击概念店购买任何作品。此类艺术展，就好比在墨西哥度假时买顶宽边帽子回家。拍些作品照片，并尽可能通过社交媒体把它们快速压缩并上传至网络。此时此刻须“兵贵神速”。自我陶醉于这种即时性带来的快感，并马上转向下一家游击概念店。

5. Beware of inflatables. They have become quite the fashion: Jeremy Deller’s Stonehenge bouncy castle, “Sacrilege”; Marc Quinn’s retread of his statue “Alison Lapper Pregnant” at last year’s Venice Biennale; Paul McCarthy’s “Complex Pile”, a particularly unpleasant balloon of excrement that adorned Hong Kong’s Kowloon district during last year’s art fair. The danger they pose is not physical but they may draw you into a too-obvious and terminally uncool metaphor. So let’s get it out of the way right here: inflatable art is full of hot air, hates inclement weather, deflates at the slightest provocation and is, of course, just a pinprick away from irrelevance.

5. 警惕充气作品。充气类作品俨然已成当下时尚：杰里米·戴勒(Jeremy Deller)展出了巨石阵充气城堡作品《占据圣地》(Sacrilege)；在去年的威尼斯双年展(Venice Biennale)上，马克·奎恩(Marc Quinn)对自己的雕塑作品《怀孕的艾莉森·拉帕》(“Alison Lapper Pregnant”)进行翻新后展出；保罗·麦卡锡(Paul McCarthy)创作的《复杂物堆》(“Complex Pile”)——这个恶心透顶的“粪便”充气雕塑在香港九龙去年举办的艺术展亮相后，着实火了一把；充气类作品呈现的威胁并非感官刺激，而是可能把观众带入太过明显、最终狂燥的隐喻世界。因此让我们就此“悬崖勒马”：充气作品充斥着热空气、禁不起险恶气候折腾、轻轻一戳就瘪作一团，当然只要刺个小孔，就立马成为没有艺术内涵的一堆废物。

6. One of the most encouraging signs of life in art’s recent years is the return to favour of performance art. In its resistance to instant commodification, and its reliance on events in the physical (rather than virtual) world, performance art bucks two of the most notable social trends of the 21st century. The air of unexpectedness and danger that characterises the best performance artists are a reminder of what is great about the avant-garde. It ought to be supported in every instance.

6. 近几年艺术圈最振奋人心的迹象是重新偏好表现艺术。表现艺术反对艺术作品即时商品化，依赖现实世界（而非虚拟世界）发生的事件，极力抵制21世纪最显著的两大社会趋向。顶级表现艺术家的特征是显露突发性与危险性，提醒观众前卫艺术的不同凡响，它理应得到我们每时每刻的拥护。

7. If you are having a funny moment, proclaim that contemporary art is dead and pop music is coming back. You will be in good company. The notorious Dinos Chapman, who once held a ￡20 note-defacing session at Frieze, is this year giving a performance of his electronic album Luftbobler at a London club, accompanied by a series of short films. The ruinous decline of pop music over the past couple of decades is one of the reasons for the rising interest in visual art. Art stars became the new rock stars. Could this mark the beginning of a redressing of the balance?

7. 诸位若心情舒畅，就勇敢地宣称当代艺术已然作古，流行音乐已经东山再起。在这方面你会有很多的志同道合者，声名狼藉的迪诺斯·查普曼(Dinos Chapman)曾在弗雷兹艺博会上举办过一场污损20英镑钞票的演示课，今年则在伦敦某夜总会演奏了自己伴以系列短片的电子音乐专辑《Luftbobler》。过去几十年，流行音乐一蹶不振，这是公众对视觉艺术兴趣日浓的原因之一。艺术明星摇身一变成为新的摇滚明星，不知这是否标志着重新扭转使之恢复平衡的开始？

8. If you are still having a funny moment, leave the fair altogether and travel to see some of London’s youngest artists in situ. Last week I talked to Danish artist Michael Elmgreen who, together with his partner Ingar Dragset, has produced a brilliant installation at the Victoria and Albert Museum called “Tomorrow”, which both plays with the museum’s collection in an original way, and makes serious points about the changes that have taken place in London. “Whenever I hear people criticising the art scene here, I ask them when was the last time they visited southeast London?” Elmgreen said trenchantly. It can be inspiring to see art in its natural habitat, away from the VIP pavilions and air of hyper-consumption.

8. 诸位若心情舒畅，就全然撇开各种艺术展，去伦敦欣赏栖居该城的年轻艺术家的佳作。不久前，本人采访了丹麦艺术家迈克尔·艾尔格林(Michael Elmgreen)，他与合作伙伴英加尔·德拉格赛特(Ingar Dragset)在维多利亚与阿尔伯特博物馆(VictoriaandAlbertMuseum)创作了一件杰出的装置作品——“明天”(“Tomorrow”)，既用别出心裁的方式调侃了该博物馆的馆藏作品，又一针见血地诠释了伦敦发生的沧桑巨变。“无论何时，我只要听到观众批评该装置时，就会直问对方最近一次参观伦敦西南部是何时？”艾尔格林掷地有声地说道。看到自然栖息地中的艺术、远离VIP展馆以及摆脱过度消费氛围的羁绊，着实振奋人心。

9. Head for galleries from the Middle East and China. The works often lack the formal sophistication of their western counterparts but art from countries that have a compromised view of freedom of expression is at the front line. It is part of a complex interaction between government and society that can help make a difference. There is a reason Ai Weiwei is among the most famous living Chinese people in the world. Art can make things happen.

9. 径直参观中东及中国画廊。它们的作品通常没有西方艺术作品那种循规蹈矩的精细复杂，但对**持折中态度的国家，其艺术作品地位往往举足轻重。这是政府与社会复杂互动的产物，这种互动让创作出来的艺术不同凡响。这就是为何艾未未(Ai Weiwei)是当今世界最知名的在世的中国艺术家的原因之一，艺术能让社会脱胎换骨。

10. You may decide, after all, that contemporary art is not for you. Help is at hand: in a masterstroke, the people at Frieze last year inaugurated the Frieze Masters fair, a short walk away in Regent’s Park. Here is a collection of art from ancient times to the year 2000, from some of the world’s leading galleries. The fair’s credentials are impeccable, and the handsome hanging of the art is a breath of fresh air. But remember: all these works were contemporary once. There was a time when the depiction of a Crucifixion was considered even more sacrilegious than a Jeremy Deller bouncy castle; when artists risked imprisonment for their impudence; when the unusual placing of an eye and a nose within a solemn face invited ridicule. The art masters of the past tell our history better than any book or lecture. But many of them suffered for the acuity of their vision. What are today’s artists telling us about our world? And are we listening?

10. 然而，自己终究可以判断出喜不喜欢当代艺术。你可以轻易得到各种帮助：弗雷兹组委会去年举办了首届大师艺术展(Frieze Masters fair)，距离摄政王公园(Regent’s Park)只有一步之遥，这实属妙举。展出的作品从远古时期直至2000年，均选自全球顶级画廊的藏品。大师艺术展的信誉无可挑剔，艺术佳作的张挂方式气度不凡，给人以耳目一新的感觉。但请记住：所有艺术作品都曾是“当代作品”。曾几何时，展示耶稣受难(Crucifixion)的作品比戴勒的充气城堡作品《占据圣地》更被视作亵渎神灵，艺术家因自己的鲁莽行为而面临牢狱之灾，用离经叛道的方式把眼睛鼻子画在庄严脸庞上引发冷嘲热讽。在诠释历史方面，昔日的艺术大师比任何书籍与讲座都要解释得透彻。但许多艺术家因艺术超前敏锐而受尽磨难。如今的艺术家该如何用艺术诠释当今世界？我们又是否愿意“聆听”呢？

Frieze Art Fair takes place in Regent’s Park, London, October 17-20, www.friezelondon.com