英语家园

 找回密码
 注册

QQ登录

只需一步,快速开始

搜索

父爱的尺度

发布者: 五毒 | 发布时间: 2021-6-22 00:03| 查看数: 223| 评论数: 0|

父爱的尺度(节选)

The Measure of Fatherly Love (Excerpt)


                               
登录/注册后可看大图


1924年,美国总统卡尔文·柯立芝建议把父亲节作为一个全国性的节日,以便“在父亲和子女间建立更亲密的关系,并且使父亲铭记自己应尽的全部责任”。1972年,尼克松总统正式签署了建立父亲节的议案。后来,这一节日逐渐流传到世界各地。如今,历来重视亲子关系、强调父亲教养责任的中国城市人群,也潜移默化地接受了这个“洋节”。

In 1924, U.S. President Calvin Coolidge proposed a national Father’s Day to “establish more intimate relations between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers the full measure of their obligations.” Then in 1972, U.S. President Richard Nixon signed a bill for the official founding of Father’s Day. Later, the custom of celebrating this day gradually spread to other parts of the world. Today’s urban Chinese, who, like their ancestors, set great store by parental love and a father’s responsibilities, also find themselves more and more supportive of this “Western celebration.”

以独生子女为养育对象的中国式核心家庭类似无限责任公司,父母对子女的前途命运负无限责任。“子不教,父之过”,子女的贤愚、得失、功过牵连其父。父亲不但要负经济、道德等方面的连带责任,而且要被社会和家庭全方位地追究“领导责任”。对独生子女教育成功的收益不可预期,但教育失败的机会成本却是百分之百。因此,父亲是儿女的标杆——尺度,这个“尺度”的分寸很难把握。

The Chinese nuclear family, with a single child to bring up and educate, is not unlike a corporation with unlimited responsibilities. In such a family, the parents take unlimited responsibility for their child’s future and development. “To raise a child without educating him is a failure in the father.” Whether a child turns out well or not, behaves properly or not, attains success in life or not, his father will get his share of blame or praise. The father not only has to attend to his financial and moral obligations to his children; he is also charged with overall leadership responsibility by his family and society. The benefits to be derived from the success of educating a child are not always predictable, but the opportunity cost to be paid is almost certain! This being the case, the father has to set the measure for his child. Yet, how to set that measure in real-life is no easy task.

父亲雅称“家严”,中国传统文化、礼教、风俗已经对父爱角色作了准确、详尽、合理的定位。“父道尊,母道亲”。父亲必须保持应有的尊严,必须自尊,才能获得家庭的尊重,然后才能保持并实施家庭教育第一责任人的尊严。“君不正,臣投外国,父不正,子奔他乡”。就是说,父亲必须以身作则,否则,无法团结教育子女,履行父亲的管教责任,甚至可能导致父子反目、离心离德。严父慈母是父母亲分别担当的固有角色,严格、严厉、严肃是父亲的应有风格。但有的父亲把一个“严”字衍化为棍棒教育、打骂教育。我从禅宗教育中得到一些启示,“棒喝”的宗旨是刺激、提醒、指点、点化,目的是开悟增慧,而不是压服,更不是展示家长威风。所以,一个称职的父亲重在见识高低,不在脾气大小,不要高人一等,关键是要高人一筹,做孩子的启蒙老师,做孩子的精神向导。

The father is sometimes deferentially called “jiayan” in Chinese, meaning “stern master of the household.” Traditional Chinese culture, especially Chinese ethics and customs, have cast a clear, precise and reasonable role for the father and set the expression of parental love. “The father guides by discipline, the mother nurtures by affection.” The father needs to maintain a proper sense of authority and self-respect before he can win the respect of his family and take charge of his child’s education. The sages have left us a saying: “If the prince is not upright, his ministers will turn to serve other states; if a father is not upright, his offspring will flee to foreign lands.” That is to say, a father must teach by personal example, or else he will fail to inspire confidence in his child and to carry out his duty. Worse still, father and son might grow estranged from each other or even become enemies. The affectionate mother and the stern father each have a role to play. A father is expected to be strict, stern and serious. But unfortunately, some fathers go right over the top, turning sternness into verbal abuse and rod-wielding. From Zen Buddhist cultivation and practice I have a revelation. When a Zen master watches over his disciples at mediation, he gives them an occasional blow and a shout. His purpose is to bring stimulation, vigilance, enlightenment and inspiration, to help them gain better control of their minds and become wiser, and not to subdue them to his will or assert his authority. Likewise, a competent father is intelligent and insightful. He knows better than to unleash unwarranted anger on his child or to fool himself with a false sense of superiority. He commands respect not because he is “a head above” other members of his family, but because he is a cut above them in the strength of character. He acts as a mentor, advisor and spiritual guide for his child.


                               
登录/注册后可看大图


父母无不望子成龙、成凤,并为此不惜一切代价。的确,许多子女受家庭影响,子承父业、光前裕后,成为父母一样的人或父母期望的人,而也有相当多的子女没有实现父母的梦想,没有到达父母的期望值,甚至走向父母愿望的反面。俗话说:“老子英雄儿好汉,老子卖葱儿卖蒜”;“兵家儿早识刀枪”。但俗话也说:“父母难保子孙贤”。说到底,家庭教育也有一个因材施教的问题,给孩子以选择发展道路的自由,让他们根据自己兴趣爱好特长做好他自己。人各有志,不必强求,对儿女也是如此。

Parents all hope that their children will have glorious futures, and they spare no efforts to turn that dream into reality. Many young people do meet their parents’ expectations, embarking on careers once pursued by the father and winning even greater distinction. However, some others stray from the paths set for them, or even do things contrary to the wishes of their parents. As some wise sayings put it, “Just as a hero’s son would likely be heroic, so an onion seller’s son would likely sell garlic;” “warriors’ children learn early the spear and the sword.” Yet there are other proverbs that reflect less certainty: “How well our children will turn out, even the wisest parents live in doubt.” Besides, home education also involves the question of how best to help a child realize his or her potential. Children should be encouraged to develop their own interests and talent, find their own paths and live their life to the full. Human aspirations vary; one cannot force them to do things to one’s own liking.


                               
登录/注册后可看大图


西方教育理念强调亲情、呵护、鼓励。中国传统教育理念是“严”在其表,爱在其里。中国式“家严”是父子互动的一种外在动作,慈爱是核心,爱护是目的。俗话说:“父不慈,子不孝”。父亲不慈爱,不负责,所以孩子不出色、不优秀,也不孝敬、依恋父亲。但是,“父母爱如虎,爱谁谁受苦”,对孩子无原则的表扬、鼓励,过度的溺爱、放纵,有可能培养一个无知无能、无所事事、愚钝麻木、胸无大志的庸子,也有可能培养一个目中无人、狂妄自大、无法无天的逆子。所以,严与慈的尺度很难把握,过严压抑个性,过慈助长恶习。

Western educational philosophy stresses parental affection, guidance and warm encouragement. Traditional Chinese educational philosophy, on the other hand, sees parental love as stern and serous on the outside but with no less affection deep within. Chinese parental sternness is an outward sign of the relation between the father and his son, with love at its core and the child’s wellbeing as its ultimate goal. Traditional wisdom puts it this way: “An unloving father brings up an unfilial son.” An uncaring and irresponsible father would likely raise a mediocre, lackluster, unfilial son. On the other hand, another proverb registers the danger of the other extreme: “Fierce parental love torments the beloved.” Excessive praises and pampering may produce either an ignorant, incapable, dull-witted and aimless weakling, or an arrogant, egocentric and lawless villain. Such is the difficulty in achieving a balance between sternness and affection. Too much of the former stifles individual initiative, whilst too much of the latter breeds vices of all kinds.

“可怜天下父母心”。做一个合格的父亲岂止是一门学问,实在是一场严峻的考验,是一场漫长的高难度综合考试。

“Pity all caring parents!” is a thought that finds an echo in many hearts. How to be a competent father is more than an art; it is a severe test, or rather, a long unending series of taxing ordeals.

(集体讨论,王维东执笔,黎翠珍、张佩瑶审定)


最新评论

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表