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花100天,做100件自己害怕的事,是怎样的体验?

发布者: 千缘 | 发布时间: 2020-12-5 01:22| 查看数: 126| 评论数: 0|

I have a confession to make, but first, Iwant you to make a little confession to me. In the past year, I want you tojust raise your hand. Today, right here, right now, I’m facing my 100th fear. It all started when I was doing my Master’s degree in branding at the School of Visual Arts in New York City.

我要坦白一个事实,但是首先,我希望你们能够对我做出一点坦白。在过去的一年里,只要举手就好。今时今日,此时此刻,我正面对着自己的第100个恐惧。这一切都是我在纽约市视觉艺术学院就读品牌硕士专业时开始的。

And Debbie Millman, the director and the founder of the program asked the class to look deep into our souls and write an essay about our best possible lives 10 years from now. This exercise was both terrifying and liberating. We had a free path to dream big.

这一项目的导演兼创始人黛比·米尔曼要求课堂上的同学探究自己的内心,并围绕十年后我们最有可能过上的生活写一篇文章。这个练习既令人心生畏惧,又让人得到了释放。我们有一条通往远大梦想的自由之路。

As soon as we were all ready to go after our biggest dreams, we were asked to think of all those possible things that could get in the way of our best possible future. But then we were asked to identify one crucial obstacle. When I learned and I realized that my whole life was crippled by fear and I was missing on every new experience.

当我们都准备好去追逐远大的梦想时,也被要求开始思考这一过程中可能出现的所有障碍。然后找出其中一个关键的障碍。当我了解并意识到我的一生都在被恐惧所困扰。

Because of it, I was paralyzed. And that’s when the third part of this assignment was unveiled. We were all commissioned to start a 100-day project of our choice. For me, the answer was way too obvious to ignore. I knew that I had to start facing all of my fears one by one.

因为恐惧,我失去了每一个新的体验,我感到了绝望。尤其是这项任务的第三部分揭晓的时候。我们全部被要求开始对所选主题展开为期100天的项目。对我来说答案太过明显,完全难以忽视。我明白,我必须开始逐一直面我所有的恐惧。

Since I was a little girl, my life had always been crippled by fear. Like I remember when I was little, and my uncle bought a huge dog for his house and my family dinners went from being happy memories to terrifying nightmares.

从童年时期开始,我的生活就一直被恐惧围绕。记得在我小时候,叔叔家里买了一条大狗,从那以后,我的家庭晚餐从幸福的回忆变成了可怕的梦魇。

Or when I passed in a backpacking trip to Europe with my friends, just because the thought of having to sleep at a hostel or in a train station would make me tremble. And like that I never tried any substance that could mess up with my system. I was comfortable that way, and the easy answer to all of these things was always “no, thanks!”

亦或是,当我和朋友一起去欧洲背包旅行,只是因为想到必须在青年旅社过夜,或者在火车站里睡觉,我便会感到焦虑不安。就这样,我从未尝试过任何可能打乱我生活的事物。这样使我感到很舒服,并且应对这些事物的简单答案总是“不,谢谢!”

Being the fearful person that I was, I thought that I had easily 100 fears or more. So I started by accepting the challenge to do this project as my first fear. I went on and held the cat for the first time ever. I tried all kinds of food, I went one day, an entire day, without my cell phone, and I went on and on until Day 39 arrived and something remarkable happened.

作为一个常感到恐惧的人,我曾以为自己有不止100种恐惧。越是我将接受这个挑战作为我的第一个恐惧,一切就这样开始了。随着项目的进行,我有史以来第一次抱起一只猫,尝试了各种各样的食物。在没有手机的情况下,外出了一天,整整一天。直到项目进行的第39天,发生了件让我终生难忘的事。

I was about to face my fear of donating blood when I realized that I was congratulating myself over and over again for having faced almost 40 different fears, when in reality I was facing the same fears over and over again. I wasn’t scared of needles, I was scared of pain. I wasn’t scared of doing karaoke, I was scared of being embarrassed.

我将要面对献血的恐惧,我开始意识到,当我一次又一次的为面对了将近40个不同恐惧而心中窃喜的时候,事实上,我只是在不停面对同样的恐惧。我不害怕针头,却害怕疼痛。我不害怕去卡拉OK唱歌,却害怕尴尬。

And I wasn’t scared of begging for money in the streets of New York, I was scared of being rejected. That’s when I realized I did not have 100 fears; I had 7 fears: Pain, danger, disgust, embarrassment, rejection, loneliness, and control. For example, to face my fear of pain, I did all sorts of things.

我不害怕在纽约的街道乞讨,却害怕被拒绝。这时我意识到,我并没有100种恐惧,只有7种。对疼痛、危险、憎恶、尴尬、拒绝、孤独以及控制的恐惧。例如,为了削弱对疼痛的恐惧,我做了各种事情。

From getting a piercing, getting a Brazilian wax, trying spicy food, I did try acupuncture, I jumped off a cliff and all of those things that reassured me that indeed I don’t like pain. But hey, I really love my piercing and my husband loved the Brazilian wax. As a way to better understand the difference between all of my fears and find their origin,

从穿刺到巴西蜜蜡脱毛,到尝试辛辣的食物。我尝试过针灸,从悬崖上一跃而下,所有的那些事情使我再次确信,我确实不喜欢疼痛。但是呢,我真心喜爱我的穿刺,而我老公对巴西蜜蜡脱毛赞不绝口。作为一个更好了解我所有恐惧的区别并找寻痛苦来源的方法,

I decided to classify them according to a stack of values. Values that define who we are and why we do the things that we do. And this is something that I learned from my SVA professor Dr. Tom Morello. We’re all born with a set of universal values and little by little we develop cultural and personal ones.

我决定根据价值观对它们进行分类,价值观定义了我们是怎样的人,以及我们做事的动机。这正是我从SAV(纽约市视觉艺术学院)汤姆·瓜瑞尔罗教授那里所学到的。我们与生俱来就有一套普世价值观,并逐渐形成文化的和个人的价值观。

By categorizing all of my fears this way, I realized that all of the challenges that I was facing related to danger, pain, and disgust fell under the universal stack. If we asked anyone to try oysters for the first time in their lives, the reaction would probably be something like this.

通过这种方式对我所有的恐惧进行分类,我意识到,我所面对的所有挑战在普世价值观之下都与危险、疼痛以及憎恶相关。如果我们要求任何一个没吃过生蚝的试吃一次,他们的反应也许会是这样。

Same if we ask them to pet this, to swim around these, or jump from here. All of the challenges that were related to embarrassment and rejection fell under the cultural stack. Society shapes us and gives us guidelines so one day we all become well-behaved rational adults.

如果要求他们疼爱宠物,在这周围游泳,或者从这儿跳下,反应也是如出一辙。所有与尴尬和拒绝相关的挑战都属于文化价值观范畴。社会塑造并指引着我们,因此,某天我们都会成为行为端正的理性的成年人。

We all know that due to symptoms, right? Don’t do this, don’t touch this, and don’t walk around wearing this. And finally, all of my challenges related to loneliness and control were deep embedded in my personal stack. I come from a family of World War Two survivors where half of my family were killed by the Nazis in concentration camps.

大家都了解“行为规范”的意思,是吧?不能这样做,不能碰这儿,不能穿着它到处走。最终,所有关于孤独和控制的挑战都深深地根植于个人价值观中。我来自二战幸存者的家庭,有一半的家庭成员在集中营被纳粹屠杀。

My grandparents were lucky and they were able to escape and start a new life from scratch but their fears never went away. In fact, they were carried from generation to generation. My mom was raised with lots of fears, and so was I.

我的祖父母是幸运的,他们得以逃离苦海,并从头开始新的生活,但是,他们的恐惧却从未逝去。事实上,这些恐惧世代相传。我母亲在诸多恐惧中长大,我也同样如此。

Additionally, I was born and raised in a country full of natural beauty, delicious food and amazing people but as beautiful as Venezuela is, it ranks among the most dangerous countries in the world, where kidnappings, robberies and murders are part of people’s daily conversations. And where having your car taken but your life not, is seen as a blessing. People in these countries face their fears daily.

此外,我在一个充满自然之美的国度出生长大,那儿有美味的食物和善良的人民。但是即便委内瑞拉这如此美丽,它却是世界上最危险的国家之一,在那里,绑架、抢劫和谋杀在百姓的生活中屡见不鲜。在那里,你的车被偷走,但命还在,你就该谢天谢地了。在这些国度的人民每天都面对恐惧。

But if I learned one thing, it’s that we cannot keep blaming our past or our circumstances for our fears. That’s not going to fix our future. What we can do about them is face them and try to change our relationship with them. By doing all of these fears, I learned that there’s a natural sort of predictable process to facing fear.

但如果我从中学会了什么的话:那就是:我们不能因为我们的恐惧而不停地谴责过去或环境。这并不会使我们的未来变得更好。我们所能做的就是去直面恐惧,试着改变和它们的关系。通过这样应对恐惧,我了解到,有一种自然可预测的过程来面对恐惧。

It all starts in the discovery stage, here’s when we identify that we are scared of something, like I guess I am scared of doing stand-up comedy. Then we immediately move into the denial stage, here’s when we ignore the fact that we are indeed scared of this thing.

它始于“发现阶段”,此时,我们发现自己害怕某物,比如:嗯!我想我害怕表演单口相声。然后,我们立即进入到“否认阶段”。此时,我们忽视了这一事实:我们确实害怕这件事。

Most of the people stay in this stage making their lives easy and comfortable. A few percentages of the people make it to the next stage which is the determination stage. Here’s when we make all the arrangements necessary, we set a date for it and we’re ready, we’re ready to face our fears.

大多数人驻足于这一阶段,过着安逸的生活。少数人会进入到下一个阶段:“决定阶段”。这时,我们做出所有必要的安排,我们为它设定日期并做好准备,准备迎接恐惧。

So before getting to the action stage, there’s this hard to avoid stage I like to call the “WTF am I doing stage”. You can’t avoid it. This is when you really overthink your decision to face your fear and you think of every possible outcome turning it into the worst-case scenario.

因此,在达到“行动阶段”之前,有一个难以避免的阶段,我想称之为“我TMD在干啥”的阶段。“笑声”你无法避免这个阶段。这时,你对于直面恐惧的决定真的想太多了,并且,你想到了每一个可能的结果,使事情变得糟糕至极。

If you make it past this stage, congrats. Because you will end in the action stage, that’s what I’m doing now, action, and here’s when it doesn’t matter how much of a non-believer you are, you turn to God asking him to be with you in that moment and you go for it, you face your fear and that will take you to the celebratory stage.

如果你通过了这个阶段,恭喜你,因为你会在“行动阶段”中学习——这就是我此时在做的:“行动”——在这个阶段不管你是多么没有信仰,这都不重要,你想起了上帝,在那一刻要求他与你同在,去做吧,去面对你的恐惧,这将带你进入“庆祝阶段”。

Here’s when you want to share with the world what you just did. Hashtag “I did it”. You experience what feeling proud of yourself actually feels like. Then, a new feeling creeps in, a feeling of embarrassment because here’s when we really regret our behavior during the “WTF stage”.

这时,你想与世界分享你所做的一切。贴上标签“我做到了”。你体验到自豪的真实感觉。然后,一种新的感觉蔓延开来,尴尬,因为这是我们真正后悔“去TMD阶段”行为的时刻。

And I’m telling you, after facing 100 fears, not even a one time the actual challenge was worse than what I had in my head before. So, WTF I was so afraid of? So these six steps repeat themselves over and over again. It doesn’t matter how many challenges you’ve faced. To go from the WTF stage into the action stage, I built a set of tools for myself.

我现在告诉你,面对100个恐惧之后,甚至没有一次实际的挑战比以前在我头脑里的更糟糕。那么,为啥我们如此害怕?这6个阶段一遍又一遍的重复。不管你面对多少挑战,这都不重要。要从“去TMD阶段”走向“行动阶段”,我给自己制作了一套工具。

First, I have some cognitive tools. These are the things I like to tell myself like “it’ll be over in ten seconds”, “what’s the worst that could happen?” “Everybody has a destiny” and all of these things. I have also some behavioral tools, these are things I do differently, like when I couldn’t jump off this cliff until I decided to count 1, 2, 3, jump. And I did it.

首先,我有一些认知工具。比如我会自言自语,“再坚持10秒就结束了”,“最糟糕的情况会如何?”“每个人都有自己的命运”,诸如此类。我还有一些行为工具。也就是以不同的方式处理问题,比如当我决定数:1,2,3,跳,我才能从悬崖上纵身向下跳。然后,我做到了。

And finally, I have some emotional tools like when I try to put myself in the best mood possible before going on stage, so I can only bring positive energy into the room and really engage with my audience. These three tools will not necessarily lead you to overcome fear but they will allow you to become intimate with the fear.

最后,我还有一些情绪工具,比如在上台之前,我尝试尽量把自己的情绪调整到最佳,这样一来我才能只将正能量带进房间,并真正与观众进行互动。这三种工具不一定可以使你克服恐惧,但能渐渐减轻你的恐惧。

Actually, we don’t want to eliminate fear. Fear is our ally, and it is there to keep us alive. But when we face our fears, we allow other emotions to jump in. Emotions that I never even experienced before doing this project. The important thing here is to make sure that fear is in its place and not let it spill over into the other emotions.

事实上,我们并不想要消除恐惧。恐惧是我们的伙伴,恐惧使我们活得真实。但是,当我们面对恐惧时,我们允许其他情绪进入其中,这些情绪是我在做这一项目之前从未体验过的。重要的是确认恐惧的存在,并且不让它对其他情绪产生影响。

When we change our approach, when we change our relationship with fear, we will ultimately change our approach to life itself. In my case, I went from “no, thanks!” to “let me try”. For some people, it takes them 100 challenges to get there, like me. For some, 10 will do. And for some people, only one challenge will change their lives.

当我们改变方法,改变和恐惧的关系时,我们最终将改变自己的生活方式。就我而言,我摈弃了“不,谢谢!”而接受“让我试一下”。对于一些人来说,想要达到这一目标需要100种挑战,就像我一样。而对一些人来说,10个足矣。而对一些人来说,仅仅一个挑战就会改变他们的生活。

I don’t believe in absolute fearlessness, but I do believe that we can negotiate with our fears. As a way to pursue our dreams and open ourselves to experiences that we never even considered. By Day-40, my project was discovered by the media and this is when I realized the power that I had by sharing all these experiences.

我不相信绝对的勇敢,但是我确实相信,我们能和恐惧妥协,以追求梦想和开放自我的方式去体验我们未曾思考过的一种方式。我的项目在进行到第40天时就受到了媒体的关注,就在这时,我才意识到我拥有与所有人分享经验的力量。

I started to receive messages from people all over the world thanking me for inspiring them and this is when the goal of my project shifted. It went from becoming a braver person myself to keep inspiring people to leave their comfort zones, face their fears and start living life to the fullest. Who knew facing fears was contagious.

我开始收到了来自世界各地人们的来信,感谢我鼓励了他们。这时我项目的目标转移了。它从让我自身变得更勇敢,变成一直鼓励人们逃离舒适区,直面自身的恐惧,活出最完整的自己。谁能想到面对恐惧是有传染性的?

So I have an assignment for all of you. I want you to think of one thing you would love to face in this upcoming week. Whether it’s asking for a raise at work, asking someone to marry you, or doing something crazy like jumping out of a plane. I want you to face that fear, give it a shot, and then share your experience, inspire someone else.

那么,我给大家一个任务。我想让你们去思考一件下个星期想要面对的事情。无论是要求加薪,向别人求婚,还是做一些疯狂的事情,比如高空跳伞。我想让你们试一试直面恐惧,然后分享你们的经验,鼓励其他人。

Thank you very much.

非常感谢!


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