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如何把工作和生活分开?

发布者: 千缘 | 发布时间: 2020-5-25 01:50| 查看数: 424| 评论数: 0|

如何把工作生活分开是很多人都会遇到的问题。心理学家Guy Winch表示感到精疲力尽可能是因为花了太多时间反复思考工作。那么,我们应该如何减少对工作的紧张和烦恼呢?下面这个TED演讲中,Guy Winch分享了3个简单技巧。



I wanted to be a psychologist since I was a teenager, and I spent years pursuing that one goal. I opened my private practice as soon as I was licensed. It was a risky move, not getting a day job at a hospital or a clinic, but within one year, my practice was doing quite well and I was making more money than I ever made before. Of course, I was a full-time student my entire life.

自打青少年时期,我就想当一个心理学家,我花了多年时间朝这个目标奋斗。我一拿到执照就立刻开了自己的私人诊所。我没有在医院或诊所全职工作,而是选择了这一步险棋,不过一年之内,我的诊所经营得很好,我从来没有赚过这么多钱。当然,我以前一直是个全职学生。

I could have worked at McDonald's and made more money than I ever made before.

我要是去麦当劳打工,赚的钱也会比以往都多。

That one-year mark came on a Friday night in July. I walked home to my apartment and got into the elevator with a neighbor who was a doctor in the ER. The elevator rose, then it shuddered and stalled between floors. And the man who dealt with emergencies for a living began poking at the buttons and banging on the door, saying, "This is my nightmare, this is my nightmare!" And I was like, "And this is my nightmare."

我的工作一周年纪念日在一个七月的星期五晚上来临。我走回公寓,和一个在急诊室做医生的邻居乘上了同一个电梯。电梯向上攀升,然后随着一个震颤,它在两层楼之间停住了。这个以处理紧急状况为生的男人开始猛戳电梯按钮,拼命砸电梯门,喊道:“这是我的噩梦,这是我的噩梦!”我心想:“这才是我的噩梦。”

I felt terrible afterwards, though. Because I wasn't panicked and I knew what to say to calm him down. I was just too depleted to do it, I had nothing left to give, and that confused me. After all, I was finally living my dream, so why wasn't I happy? Why did I feel so burned out?

然而我之后感觉很糟糕。因为我没有惊慌失措,而我知道我可以对他说什么让他冷静下来。我只是觉得身体被掏空,我什么都做不了,这让我感到十分困惑。毕竟,我终于能够过上梦想的生活,那我为什么并不快乐?我为什么会觉得筋疲力竭?

For a few terrible weeks, I questioned whether I'd made a mistake. What if I had chosen the wrong profession? What if I had spent my entire life pursuing the wrong career? But then I realized, no, I still loved psychology. The problem wasn't the work I did in my office. It was the hours I spent ruminating about work when I was home. I closed the door to my office every night, but the door in my head remained wide-open and the stress just flooded in.

接下来几个糟糕透顶的星期里,我怀疑自己是否犯下了错误。如果我入错了行该怎么办?如果我耗尽一辈子,追求的却是错误的职业怎么办?但我随之意识到,不,我还热爱心理学。问题并不是出在我在办公室里进行的工作。问题在于,当我在家的时候,我仍然花费不少时间反复琢磨我的工作。每晚我都锁上办公室的门,但我头脑中的门一直敞开着,压力就这样源源不绝地涌进来。

That's the interesting thing about work stress. We don't really experience much of it at work. We're too busy. We experience it outside of work, when we are commuting, when we're home, when we're trying to rejuvenate. It is important to recover in our spare time, to de-stress and do things we enjoy, and the biggest obstruction we face in that regard is ruminating. Because each time we do it, we're actually activating our stress response.

这就是工作压力的有趣之处。我们在上班时并不会感觉到太多工作压力。那时我们太忙了。我们在工作时间之外感受到了工作压力,当我们在通勤路上,当我们回到家里,当我们试图恢复活力时。在我们的空闲时间进行恢复是很重要的,我们需要释放压力,做一些自己喜欢的事情,而在这方面我们面对的最大障碍就是反刍式思考。因为我们每当这么做时,其实是在激活我们的压力反应。

Now, to ruminate means to chew over. The word refers to how cows digest their food. For those of you unfamiliar with the joys of cow digestion, cows chew, then they swallow, then they regurgitate it back up and chew it again.

反刍的意思是反复咀嚼。这个用词指的是奶牛消化食物的方式。如果你们不熟悉奶牛消化的乐趣的话,奶牛咀嚼食物,然后吞咽下去,然后它们把食物吐回嘴里,再咀嚼一次。

It's disgusting.

非常恶心。

But it works for cows.

但对奶牛来说十分有用。

It does not work for humans. Because what we chew over are the upsetting things, the distressing things, and we do it in ways that are entirely unproductive. It's the hours we spend obsessing about tasks we didn't complete or stewing about tensions with a colleague, or anxiously worrying about the future, or second-guessing decisions we've made.

对人类来说并没有用。因为我们反复咀嚼的是让人烦躁的事情,让人苦恼的事情,并且我们反复咀嚼的方式是完全没有收益可言的。我们花费数个小时为我们没有完成的任务困扰,为和同事的紧张关系闷闷不乐,为未来忧心如焚,或者为已经做出的决定惴惴不安。

Now there's a lot of research on how we think about work when we are not at work, and the findings are quite alarming. Ruminating about work, replaying the same thoughts and worries over and over again, significantly disrupts our ability to recover and recharge in the off hours. The more we ruminate about work when we're home, the more likely we are to experience sleep disturbances, to eat unhealthier foods and to have worse moods. It may even increase our risk of cardiovascular disease and of impairing our executive functioning, the very skill sets we need to do our jobs well. Not to mention the toll it takes on our relationships and family lives, because people around us can tell we're checked out and preoccupied.

关于我们在非工作时间里如何思考工作有大量研究,而这些研究的发现非常骇人。反复咀嚼工作,一遍又一遍地回放同样的想法和担忧会显著降低我们在闲暇时间恢复与充电的能力。我们在家时反思工作的时间越长,我们就越有可能经历睡眠障碍,吃更加不健康的食物,情绪也更加糟糕。它甚至有可能增加心血管疾病的风险,并且危害我们(对工作记忆、决策、抽象思考)的管控功能,这却恰恰是在工作中不可或缺的能力。更别提对我们的亲密关系和家庭生活造成的负担,因为我们身边的人能察觉我们魂不守舍、心不在焉。

Now, those same studies found that while ruminating about work when we're home damages our emotional well-being, thinking about work in creative or problem-solving ways does not. Because those kinds of thinking do not elicit emotional distress and, more importantly, they're in our control. We can decide whether to respond to an email or leave it till morning, or whether we want to brainstorm about work projects that excite us. But ruminations are involuntary. They're intrusive. They pop into our head when we don't want them to. They upset us when we don't want to be upset. They switch us on when we are trying to switch off. And they are very difficult to resist, because thinking of all our unfinished tasks feels urgent. Anxiously worrying about the future feels compelling. Ruminating always feels like we're doing something important, when in fact, we're doing something harmful. And we all do it far more than we realize.

同样的研究还发现,虽然在家时反刍工作会损害我们的情绪健康,从富有创意的或者解决问题的角度思考工作却并不会造成危害。原因在于,这些思考方式并不会触发情绪困扰,更重要的是,这些思考在我们的掌控之内。我们可以决定是现在回复电子邮件还是留到第二天早上再说,或者是否想围绕让我们兴奋的工作项目展开头脑风暴。但反刍思考是不由自主的。它们是侵扰性的。它们在我们不情愿时窜进我们的脑海里。它们在我们不想烦恼时让我们心烦。它们在我们试图下班休息时强行让我们启动工作状态。另外,它们很难抗拒,因为思考所有未完成的工作感觉很有紧迫感。为未来忧心如焚感觉非常迫切。反复思考会带来仿佛在做重要事情的错觉,但事实上,我们做的是有害的事情。而我们这么做的频率远比我们意识到的高。

Back when I was burned out, I decided to keep a journal for a week and document exactly how much time I spent ruminating. And I was horrified by the results. It was over 30 minutes a night when I was trying to fall asleep. My entire commute, to and from my office -- that was 45 minutes a day. Totally checked out for 20 minutes during the dinner party at a colleague's house. Never got invited there again.

当我过劳的那会儿,我决定花一个星期时间写日志,准确记录我花在反刍思考上的时间。结果让我震惊。每晚试图入睡时,反刍会占去30分钟以上的时间。还有往返办公室的全部通勤时间——也就是一天45分钟。在同事家的晚餐聚会时,有整整20分钟魂游天外。我之后再也没被邀请过。

And 90 minutes during a friend's "talent show" that, coincidentally, was 90 minutes long.

还有在朋友的“才艺表演秀”中的90分钟,这个表演秀恰好也就90分钟。

In total, that week, it was almost 14 hours. That's how much "downtime" I was losing to something that actually increased my stress. Try keeping a journal for one week. See how much you do it.

那个星期的反刍时间加起来总计近14个小时。那就是我损失的“休息时间”,反而花在了增加压力上。各位也可以尝试,用一个星期时间记录日志。看看你在反刍思考上花费了多少时间。

That's what made me realize that I still loved my work. But ruminating was destroying that love and it was destroying my personal life, too. So I read every study I could find, and I went to war against my ruminations. Now, habit change is hard. It took real diligence to catch myself ruminating each time, and real consistency to make the new habits stick. But eventually, they did. I won my war against ruminating, and I'm here to tell you how you can win yours.

那让我意识到,我仍然热爱我的工作。但是反刍思考摧毁了我的热爱,同时也摧毁了我的个人生活。于是我如饥似渴地阅读了所有相关论文,并开始和我的反刍思考做斗争。改变习惯是很困难的。我只能异常刻苦,才能在每次反刍思考时克制自己,并且异常坚持,才能让新习惯得以养成。但最终,我成功了。我战胜了我的反刍思考习惯,而今天我在这里,想要告诉大家如何赢得你自己的战斗。

First, you need clear guardrails. You have to define when you switch off every night, when you stop working. And you have to be strict about it. The rule I made to myself at the time was that I was done at 8pm. And I forced myself to stick to it. Now people say to me, "Really? You didn't return a single email after 8pm? You didn't even look at your phone?" No, not once. Because it was the '90s, we didn't have smartphones.

首先,你需要清晰的防护系统。你必须明确定义每晚什么时候下班,什么时候停止工作,并且必须严格遵守。当时我给自己定的规则是,每晚8点就结束工作,并且强迫自己遵守这个规则。有人会对我说,“你确定?你晚上8点后从来不回一封邮件?甚至连手机都不看一眼?”没错,一次都没有。因为那是90年代,我们还没有智能手机。

I got my first smartphone in 2007. You know, the iPhone had just come out, and I wanted a phone that was cool and hip. I got a BlackBerry.

我在2007年买了第一台智能手机。那时iPhone刚问世,我想要一台又酷又时髦的手机。我买了一台黑莓。

I was excited, though, you know, my first thought was, "I get my emails wherever I am." And 24 hours later, I was like, "I get my emails wherever I am."

不过我很兴奋,我第一个想法是,“我随时随地都能收邮件了。”24个小时之后,我就开始变得沮丧了。

I mean, battling ruminations was hard enough when they just invaded our thoughts. But now they have this Trojan horse, our phones, to hide within. And each time we just look at our phone after hours, we can be reminded of work and ruminative thoughts can slip out and slaughter our evening or weekend. So, when you switch off, switch off your email notifications. And if you have to check them, decide on when to do it, so it doesn't interfere with your plans, and do it only then.

我是说,当反刍思考只是入侵我们的思维时,已经很难对付了。但现在它们有了这个特洛伊木马,即我们的手机,可以藏在里面。下班后,每次我们只需看一眼手机,就能想到工作,反刍思考便能偷偷溜出来,在晚上和周末大开杀戒。【注:化用特洛伊木马的典故】所以,当你下班时,请关掉你的邮件提醒。如果你不得不查邮件,决定好什么时候查才不会扰乱你的计划,并且只在这个决定好的时间查邮件。

Cell phones aren't the only way technology is empowering rumination, because we have an even bigger fight coming. Telecommuting has increased 115 percent over the past decade. And it's expected to increase even more dramatically going forward. More and more of us are losing our physical boundary between work and home. And that means that reminders of work will be able to trigger ruminations from anywhere in our home. When we lack a physical boundary between work and home, we have to create a psychological one. We have to trick our mind into defining work and nonwork times and spaces. So here's how you do that.

手机并不是科技助长反刍思考的唯一途径,因为我们面对的是更为严峻的战斗。过去十年内,远程办公的情况增长了115%,并且可以预见其未来的增长会更加迅猛。越来越多人在渐渐失去家与工作之间的物理界线。这意味着和工作相关的事项可以从我们家中任何地方触发反刍式思考。当我们缺乏工作与家之间的物理界线时,我们必须创造出一条心理防线。我们必须对自己的头脑使点小伎俩,让它定义出区分工作和非工作的时间与地点。

First, create a defined work zone in your home, even if it's tiny, and try to work only there. Try not to work on the living room couch or on the bed because really, those areas should be associated with living and ... bedding.

你可以这么做:首先,在家里创造一个设定好的工作空间,无论多小都可以,并且尽量只在那里工作。尽量不在客厅沙发或者床上工作,因为说真的,那些区域只应该属于生活和……上床。

Next, when you're working from home, wear clothes you only wear when you're working. And then at the end of the day, change clothes, and use music and lighting to shift the atmosphere from work to home. Make it a ritual. Now, some of you might think that's silly. That changing clothes and lighting will convince my mind I'm no longer at work. Trust me, your mind will fall for it. Because we are really smart, our mind is really stupid.

第二,当你在家中工作时,穿上只在工作时穿的衣服,而在一天结束时,换一套衣服,并用音乐和照明把氛围从工作切换到居家模式。把它变成一种仪式。你们中有些人可能会认为这很傻。你们可能觉得,换衣服和改变照明怎么可能会说服我的头脑我已经没在工作了。请相信我,你们的脑子会中计的。因为我们很聪明,我们的脑子很蠢。

It falls for random associations all the time, right? I mean, that's why Pavlov's dog began drooling at the sound of a bell. And why TED speakers begin sweating at the sight of a red circle.

它整天掉进各种关联的圈套,不是吗?这就是为什么巴甫洛夫的狗在听到铃声时会开始流口水,以及为什么TED演讲者在看到红色圆圈【注:舞台上标注的规定演讲区】时会开始出汗。

Now those things will help, but ruminations will still invade. And when they do, you have to convert them into productive forms of thinking, like problem-solving.

这些方法能有所帮助,但是反刍式思考仍会入侵。当它们入侵时,你必须把它们转换成具有效益的思考形式,比如解决问题。

My patient Sally is a good example. Sally was given the promotion of a lifetime, but it came with a price. She was no longer able to pick up her daughter from school every day, and that broke her heart. So she came up with a plan. Every Tuesday and Thursday, Sally left work early, picked up her daughter from school, played with her, fed her, bathed her and put her to bed. And then she went back to the office and worked past midnight to catch up. Only, Sally's rumination journal indicated she spent almost every minute of her quality time with her daughter ruminating about how much work she had to do.

我的病人萨莉是一个很好的例子。萨莉得到了生涯中最顶级的提拔,但它伴随着相应的代价。今后她将没法每天去接女儿放学了,这让她无比心碎。于是她想出了一个方案。每周二和周四,萨莉会提前下班,到学校接女儿,陪她玩耍,喂她吃饭,帮她洗澡,哄她入睡。然后萨莉再回到公司,工作到半夜,弥补拉下的事务。唯一的问题是,萨莉的反刍思考日志显示,她在和女儿一起的宝贵时间里,几乎每一分钟都在反复思考还有多少工作要做。

Ruminations often deny us our most precious moments. Sally's rumination, "I have so much work to do," is a very common one. And like all of them, it's useless and it's harmful, because we'd never think it when we're at work, getting stuff done. We think it when we're outside of work, when we're trying to relax or do things that we find meaningful, like playing with our children, or having a date night with our partner.

反刍式思考常常会剥夺我们最珍贵的时光。萨莉的反刍思考,“我还有好多活要干”,是很常见的。而和所有反刍思考一样,它是无用的、有害的,因为我们在上班完成工作时从来不会有这些想法。这些想法在我们的工作时间之外冒出来,在我们试图放松或者做对我们有意义的事情时,比如和孩子玩耍,或者和伴侣的约会之夜。

To convert a ruminative thought into a productive one, you have to pose it as a problem to be solved. The problem-solving version of "I have so much work to do" is a scheduling question. Like, "Where in my schedule can I fit the tasks that are troubling me?" Or, "What can I move in my schedule to make room for this more urgent thing?" Or even, "When do I have 15 minutes to go over my schedule?" All those are problems that can be solved. "I have so much work to do" is not.

为了把一个反刍性想法变成有生产性的思维,你必须把它塑造成一个待解决的问题。“我还有好多活要干”的解决问题版本是一个时间规划问题。例如,“我可以把困扰我的任务塞进日程表的哪个地方?”或者,“我的可以变动哪些日程,给这件更紧急的事腾出时间?”甚至可以是,“我什么时候能拿出15分钟过一遍我的日程?”这些都是可以解决的问题。“我还有好多活要干”并不是。

Battling rumination is hard, but if you stick to your guardrails, if you ritualize the transition from work to home, and if you train yourself to convert ruminations into productive forms of thinking, you will succeed. Banishing ruminations truly enhanced my personal life, but what it enhanced even more was the joy and satisfaction I get from my work.

和反刍式思考战斗是艰难的,但如果你坚守你的防护系统,如果你把从工作到居家的转变仪式化,如果你训练自己把反刍式思考转换成有生产力的思维方式,你会成功的。消除反刍式思考真的改善了我的个人生活,但它提升更多的是我从工作中获得的喜悦和满足。

Ground zero for creating a healthy work-life balance is not in the real world. It's in our head. It's with ruminating. If you want to reduce your stress and improve your quality of life, you don't necessarily have to change your hours or your job. You just have to change how you think.

要创造健康的工作生活平衡,其原点并不在现实世界里,而是在我们的头脑里,和反刍式思考息息相关。如果你想减轻压力,改进生活品质,你不一定要调整工时或者换工作。你只需要改变自己的思维方式。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。



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