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【公开课】千万别认为自己丑,你的美丽不该由他人定义

发布者: 千缘 | 发布时间: 2020-3-20 01:38| 查看数: 235| 评论数: 0|帖子模式

从什么时候开始,我们不像小时候那样对自己充满自信?每个月都将近有十万人在谷歌上问“我长得丑吗?”其中有大部分都是年轻的女孩子。

本期演讲者Meaghan Ramsey经过研究发现,现代社会中,外表对很多女孩儿自信心的影响远远超出了合理范畴。许多人会通过相貌就轻而易举地评判一个人,从而忽略了他的内在品格。对在意他人看法的人来说,这种随意评判长相的行为往往会伤及他们的自尊,给他们带来巨大的压力。

演讲者想告诉大家:不管是疯疯癫癫式的、还是优雅从容式的,我们每个人都应该是自己最喜欢的样子。我们的美丽也不该由他人定义!



This is my niece, Stella. She's just turned one and started to walk. And she's walking in that really cool way that one-year-olds do, a kind of teetering, my-body's-moving- too-fast-for-my-legs kind of way. It is absolutely gorgeous. And one of her favorite things to do at the moment is to stare at herself in the mirror. She absolutely loves her reflection. She giggles and squeals, and gives herself these big, wet kisses. It is beautiful. Apparently, all of her friends do this and my mom tells me that I used to do this, and it got me thinking: When did I stop doing this? When is it suddenly not okay to love the way that we look? Because apparently we don't.

这是我的侄女,斯特拉。她刚满一岁并开始学走路了。她正在用一岁的小孩通常使用的非常酷的方式走路,那种摇摇晃晃、身体比腿移动得快得多的方式。这真的很有意思。她最喜欢做的事情之一就是盯着镜子里的自己。她非常喜欢自己在镜子里的影像。她边笑边叫,然后给了镜子中的自己一些大大的、湿湿的吻。很漂亮。很显然,她所有的朋友都这样做,然后我妈说我小时候也是这样的,这让我想到一个问题:我是什么时候停止这样做的?从什么时候开始,突然间我们不再喜欢自己的长相了?因为很显然我们不再那样做。

Ten thousand people every month google, "Am I ugly?" This is Faye. Faye is 13 and she lives in Denver. And like any teenager, she just wants to be liked and to fit in. It's Sunday night. She's getting ready for the week ahead at school. And she's slightly dreading it, and she's a bit confused because despite her mom telling her all the time that she's beautiful, every day at school, someone tells her that she's ugly. Because of the difference between what her mom tells her and what her friends at school, or her peers at school are telling her, she doesn't know who to believe. So, she takes a video of herself. She posts it to YouTube and she asks people to please leave a comment: "Am I pretty or am I ugly?" Well, so far, Faye has received over 13,000 comments. Some of them are so nasty, they don't bear thinking about. This is an average, healthy-looking teenage girl receiving this feedback at one of the most emotionally vulnerable times in her life. Thousands of people are posting videos like this, mostly teenage girls, reaching out in this way. But what's leading them to do this?

每个月都有一万人在谷歌上搜索“我丑吗?“这是法耶,她13岁,住在丹佛。就像所有的青少年一样,她也想被别人喜欢并与人相处融洽。这是星期天晚上。她正在为下周的学校生活做准备。她有些害怕,并且有一点困惑,因为尽管她妈妈一直告诉她说她很漂亮,但是每天在学校都会有人说她长得难看。因为她妈妈告诉她的和她在学校的朋友或同龄人告诉她的是不同的,所以她不知道该相信谁。因此,她为自己拍摄了一个视频并放到了YouTube上,然后她让大家来评论:“我长得漂亮还是难看?”截止目前,法耶共收到了超过13000个评论。它们中的一些很下流,不值一提。这是一个普通的、看起来很健康的少女在她生命中情感最脆弱的时光收到的回复。有成千上万的人们上传这样的视频,他们中大部分都是十几岁的女孩,用这种方式来接触外界。然而是什么导致他们这样做的呢?

Well, today's teenagers are rarely alone. They're under pressure to be online and available at all times, talking, messaging, liking, commenting, sharing, posting — it never ends. Never before have we been so connected, so continuously, so instantaneously, so young. And as one mom told me, it's like there's a party in their bedroom every night. There's simply no privacy. And the social pressures that go along with that are relentless. This always-on environment is training our kids to value themselves based on the number of likes they get and the types of comments that they receive. There's no separation between online and offline life. What's real or what isn't is really hard to tell the difference between. And it's also really hard to tell the difference between what's authentic and what's digitally manipulated. What's a highlight in someone's life versus what's normal in the context of everyday.

今天的青少年很少独处。他们被迫上网并随时保持在线,聊天、发信息、点赞、评论、分享、上传——无休无止。我们之前从来没有如此被紧密地联系,而且是如此地无休无止、如此快速,如此年轻。正如一位妈妈跟我说的,似乎每天晚上他们的卧室里都有聚会。简直毫无隐私。而由此伴随而来的社会压力也是残酷的。这种永远在线的环境将我们的孩子训练成要靠通过他们获得的点赞数量和收到的评论来肯定自己的价值。没有线上和线下之分,很难区分什么是真实的什么不是真实的,也很难区分现实和虚拟世界。也分不清日常生活和精彩时光。

And where are they looking to for inspiration? Well, you can see the kinds of images that are covering the newsfeeds of girls today. Size zero models still dominate our catwalks. Airbrushing is now routine. And trends like #thinspiration, #thighgap, #bikinibridge and #proana. For those who don't know, #proana means pro-anorexia. These trends are teamed with the stereotyping and flagrant objectification of women in today's popular culture. It is not hard to see what girls are benchmarking themselves against. But boys are not immune to this either. Aspiring to the chiseled jaw lines and ripped six packs of superhero-like sports stars and playboy music artists.

那他们又从哪里去获得灵感呢?你可以看看那些今天出现在各种新闻中女孩的形象。“零号尺寸”模特仍然统治着T形台。修饰照片现在也很常见。现在的趋势是#励瘦、#大腿间距、#比基尼桥和#安娜运动。要跟那些不明白这些的人提一下,#安娜运动的意思是支持厌食。这些趋势与今天的流行文化中对女性的刻板印象和公然物化结合在一起。从中不难看出女孩子们是怎样定位自己的。但是男孩子们对此也不能幸免。他们渴望拥有轮廓分明的下巴线条和像英雄般的体育明星,以及花花公子音乐艺术家所拥有的六块腹肌。

But, what's the problem with all of this? Well, surely we want our kids to grow up as healthy, well balanced individuals. But in an image-obsessed culture, we are training our kids to spend more time and mental effort on their appearance at the expense of all of the other aspects of their identities. So, things like their relationships, the development of their physical abilities, and their studies and so on begin to suffer. Six out of 10 girls are now choosing not to do something because they don't think they look good enough. These are not trivial activities. These are fundamental activities to their development as humans and as contributors to society and to the workforce. Thirty-one percent, nearly one in three teenagers, are withdrawing from classroom debate. They're failing to engage in classroom debate because they don't want to draw attention to the way that they look. One in five are not showing up to class at all on days when they don't feel good about it. And when it comes to exams, if you don't think you look good enough, specifically if you don't think you are thin enough, you will score a lower grade point average than your peers who are not concerned with this. And this is consistent across Finland, the U.S. and China, and is true regardless of how much you actually weigh. So to be super clear, we're talking about the way you think you look, not how you actually look. Low body confidence is undermining academic achievement.

但是,所有的这些表现的问题是什么呢?我们当然希望我们的孩子成长为一个健康、均衡发展的个人。但是在这样一个对相貌着迷的文化中,我们正将我们的孩子训练成将更多的时间和精力花在外貌上,而对于其他方面的身份认同关注更少的人。因此,他们会在人际关系、体能发展和学习等方面开始受挫。现在10个女孩中有6个会因为她们觉得自己不够好看而不去做某事。这些都不是琐事。作为人类以及社会和职场的参与者的发展来说,这些都是基本的。有31%,也就是说将近三分之一的青少年会从课堂辩论中退出。他们退出是因为不想让别人注意到他们的长相。有五分之一的青少年在感觉不是很好的时候甚至都不会在班级里露面。考试的时候,如果你觉得自己不够好看,特别是如果你觉得自己不够苗条的话,那么跟那些不关心这些的同学比起来你可能得到的平均分数要比他们低。这一点不管是在芬兰、美国还是中国都是一致的,而且不管你真实的体重是多少。所以非常清楚,我们是在讨论你所认为的自己的长相,而不是你的真实长相。对身体的信心不足会削弱学业成绩。

But it's also damaging health. Teenagers with low body confidence do less physical activity, eat less fruits and vegetables, partake in more unhealthy weight control practices that can lead to eating disorders. They have lower self-esteem. They're more easily influenced by people around them and they're at greater risk of depression. And we think it's for all of these reasons that they take more risks with things like alcohol and drug use; crash dieting; cosmetic surgery; unprotected, earlier sex; and self-harm. The pursuit of the perfect body is putting pressure on our healthcare systems and costing our governments billions of dollars every year.

而且也会有损健康。那些对自己身体信心不足的青少年会更少参加体育活动,吃更少的水果和蔬菜,而会更多参加那些不健康的可能导致饮食失调的体重控制训练。他们的自尊心也会更低。他们更容易受到周围人的影响,并且有更高的抑郁的风险。基于以上理由,我们认为他们有更高的风险去做那些像酗酒、吸毒、快速减肥、整容、无防护措施以及过早的性交和自残这样的事情。对完美身材的追求正使医保系统饱受压力,并且每年要花费政府数十亿美元。

And we don't grow out of it. Women who think they're overweight — again, regardless of whether they are or are not — have higher rates of absenteeism. Seventeen percent of women would not show up to a job interview on a day when they weren't feeling confident about the way that they look. Have a think about what this is doing to our economy. If we could overcome this, what that opportunity looks like. Unlocking this potential is in the interest of every single one of us.

而且我们并不会因为长大而放弃追求完美身材。那些认为自己超重的妇女——不管她们是否真的超重——会有更高的缺勤率。17%的女性会因为某天感觉对自己的长相不自信,而不去参加那天的面试。想一下这对我们的经济会有什么影响。如果我们能克服这些,将会带来哪些机会。释放这个潜能将有益于我们每一个人。

But how do we do that? Well, talking, on its own, only gets you so far. It's not enough by itself. If you actually want to make a difference, you have to do something. And we've learned there are three key ways: The first is we have to educate for body confidence. We have to help our teenagers develop strategies to overcome image-related pressures and build their self-esteem. Now, the good news is that there are many programs out there available to do this. The bad news is that most of them don't work. I was shocked to learn that many well-meaning programs are inadvertently actually making the situation worse. So we need to make damn sure that the programs that our kids are receiving are not only having a positive impact, but having a lasting impact as well.

但是我们该如何去做呢?单独的空谈,也就只能到此为止了。它本身是不够的。如果你真的想有所改变,你得去做点什么。而我们了解到这里有三个关键的方法:首先我们得培养自己对身体充满信心。我们得帮助青少年想出策略去克服跟形象有关的压力并且建立他们的自尊心。好消息是现在已经有许多这样的项目。坏消息是大多数这样的项目没有效。我很震惊地了解到许多善意的项目却无意中使得情况更糟糕了。因此我们要确保我们的孩子们正在接受的项目不仅是对他们有积极影响的,而且还要有持续的影响。

And the research shows that the best programs address six key areas: The first is the influence of family, friends and relationships. The second is media and celebrity culture, then how to handle teasing and bullying, the way we compete and compare with one another based on looks, talking about appearance — some people call this "body talk" or "fat talk" — and finally, the foundations of respecting and looking after yourself. These six things are crucial starting points for anyone serious about delivering body-confidence education that works. An education is critical, but tackling this problem is going to require each and everyone of us to step up and be better role models for the women and girls in our own lives. Challenging the status quo of how women are seen and talked about in our own circles.

研究表明最好的项目跟六个关键领域有关:首先是家人和亲朋好友的影响。其次是媒体和名人文化,然后是如何处理调侃和欺凌,同其他人基于长相的竞争和比较的方式,对相貌的讨论——有些人称之为"身材谈话“或”肥胖谈话“——最后一点,是你尊重和看待自己的基础。这六件事对于那些真正想要实现有效的身体信心教育的人来说是至关重要的起点。教育是很重要的,但是解决这个问题需要我们所有人提升自己并且成为我们生活中的妇女和女孩们更好的榜样。挑战我们在圈子中如何看待和谈论女性的现状。

It is not okay that we judge the contribution of our politicians by their haircuts or the size of their breasts, or to infer that the determination or the success of an Olympian is down to her not being a looker. We need to start judging people by what they do, not what they look like.

我们不能仅凭政治家的发型和胸围去判断她的贡献大小,或者因为长相不佳而推断一个奥运会运动员不会成功。我们需要根据人们的所做所为去评判一个人,而不是他们的长相。

We can all start by taking responsibility for the types of pictures and comments that we post on our own social networks. We can compliment people based on their effort and their actions and not on their appearance.

我们可以从对我们发布在社交网络上的图片和评论担起责任开始做起。我们可以基于人们的努力和行动去赞美他们,而不是他们的相貌。

And let me ask you, when was the last time that you kissed a mirror? Ultimately, we need to work together as communities, as governments and as businesses to really change this culture of ours so that our kids grow up valuing their whole selves, valuing individuality, diversity, inclusion. We need to put the people that are making a real difference on our pedestals, making a difference in the real world. Giving them the airtime, because only then will we create a different world. A world where our kids are free to become the best versions of themselves, where the way they think they look never holds them back from being who they are or achieving what they want in life.

让我来问问你,你上一次对着镜子亲吻是什么时候?最终,我们需要跟社区、政府和企业一起努力去改变我们的这些文化,这样我们的孩子才能在成长中获得完整的自我,重视个性、多元和包容。我们要让那些正在改变我们的现状的人去改变真实的世界。给他们时间,因为只有这样我们才能创造一个不同的世界,一个我们的孩子可以自由地成为最好的自己的世界,一个他们不会因自己的长相而阻碍他们成为自己想要成为的人,或者获得想要的东西的世界。

Think about what this might mean for someone in your life. Who have you got in mind? Is it your wife? Your sister? Your daughter? Your niece? Your friend? It could just be the woman a couple of seats away from you today. What would it mean for her if she were freed from that voice of her inner critic, nagging her to have longer legs, thinner thighs, smaller stomach, shorter feet? What could it mean for her if we overcame this and unlocked her potential in that way?

想一下这对你生命中的某个人可能意味着什么。你脑海中出现了谁?你的妻子?你妹妹?你女儿?你侄女?还是你的某个朋友?也可能只是今天跟你隔着几个座位的某个女性。这将对她意味着什么呢?如果她能摆脱内心挑剔的声音唠叨她要有更长更细的大腿,更瘦的肚子和更短的脚。如果我们能克服这些并打开她在那方面的潜力,那对她来说又将意味着什么?

Right now, our culture's obsession with image is holding us all back. But let's show our kids the truth. Let's show them that the way you look is just one part of your identity and that the truth is we love them for who they are and what they do and how they make us feel. Let's build self-esteem into our school curriculums. Let's each and every one of us change the way we talk and compare ourselves to other people. And let's work together as communities, from grassroots to governments, so that the happy little one-year-olds of today become the confident changemakers of tomorrow. Let's do this.

现在,我们的文化中对形象的痴迷阻碍了我们所有人。但是让我们向孩子们展示真相。让我们向他们表明长相只是身份的一部分,而事实是我们爱他们是因为他们是谁和他们的所做所为以及他们给我们的感觉。让我们在学校的课程中设置自尊心科目。让我们每一个人改变我们谈论自己和跟他人比较的方式。让我们作为团体一起努力,从基层到政府,以便这些今天一岁大的快乐的孩子成为明天自信的变革者。让我们这样做吧。



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