开启辅助访问      

英语家园

 找回密码
 注册

QQ登录

只需一步,快速开始

搜索

怎样成为一个自信的人?

发布者: 千缘 | 发布时间: 2019-12-10 03:28| 查看数: 294| 评论数: 0|



In my past life as a soccer coach, once you won anational championship, everyone wants to come play for you. Really not true.在我过去的足球教练生涯中,一拿到全国冠军,大家都想来参加你的队伍。其实这不是真的。 Once you paid them $25,000 a year in scholarships,everybody wants to come play for you. And parents would always come to me andthey’d say: “Okay, my son or my daughter wants to come play at your university,what is it that we have to do?你得一年付给他们25000美元的奖学金,所有人都想来你的队伍踢球。家长总是到我这里说:“我的儿子(或女儿)想来你们大学踢球,我们需要做什么? You know, what are you looking for?”And being theSocratic professor that I am, I say, well, what does your son or daughter do?What do they do really well that we’d be interested in? And typically theiranswers are, well, they’ve got great vision.你说,你看中什么特质?”我总是这样苏格拉底式的回答,好吧,你儿子(或女儿)有什么特长,他们有什么我们感兴趣的长处?通常他们会回答,我小孩视力很好。 They’re really good. They can see the entire field.Or, my daughter is the fastest player, there’s nobody that can beat her. Or, myson’s got a great left-footer. Really great in the air and can hit every ball.真的很好,可以看清整个球场”,或者“我女儿速度极快,没人跑得过她”,或者“我儿子的左脚很出色,真的,他左脚百发百中”。 I’m like: “Yeah, not bad; but to be quite honestwith you, those are the last things I’m looking for. The most important thing?Self-confidence.”我会回答:“哦,是的,不错;但是老实说,这些并不是我那么想要的。最重要的是,自信”。 Without that skill, and I use the word skillintentionally, without that skill, we are useless as a soccer player. Becausewhen you lose sight or belief in yourself, we’re done for.没有那一项技巧,注意我故意用了“技巧”这个词,没有自信这项技巧,我们绝对当不了好的足球运动员。因为当你失去对自己的展望和信心时,注定会失败。 I use the definition of self-confidence to be theability or the belief to believe in yourself, to accomplish any task, no matterthe odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity. The belief thatyou can accomplish it – self-confidence.我把自信定义为:相信自己可以完成任何任务的能力或信念,不管机遇如何,困难多大,哪怕身处逆境。相信你可以做到,这就是自信。 Some of you are saying, “Great, I don’t have it. I’mso shy. I’ll never do that, bla, bla, bla.” And you start to drag all the waydown here. But, I use the word skill because I believe it can be trained.你们中一些人会说“好吧,我就是没有自信,我很害羞,我永远也做不到”之类的话。然后你就被自己的不自信拖垮了。但是,我用了“技能”这个词。因为我相信,自信是可以训练的。 And I’ll show you a couple of ways in which we do.Hopefully I won’t run out of time. I don’t use any slides because my speechalways goes here, or here, or here. So we’ll see which way we get to.接下来让我告诉你一些训练的办法。希望不会超时,我没有用幻灯片,因为我的演讲可能会进入这个,或者那个方向,待会就知道我们会讲到哪里了。 The easiest way to build self-confidence: there’s nomagic button. I can’t say: “Hey, this plane is going down, who can fly? Putyour hand up.”“Ican, I’m confident!”最容易建立自信的方法:不要寄希望于一个魔法按钮。我不能说:“这飞机要坠毁了,谁能驾驶这飞机,请举手”“我可以,我有自信!” Repetition, repetition, repetition. Right? What doesMalcom Gladwell call it, the 10,000-hour rule? There’s no magic button.你需要的是:反复练习,反复,再反复。对吗?就像马尔科姆•格莱德维尔提出的“一万小时”法则,没有魔法按钮。I recruited a goalie from Colombia, South Americaone year. Big, tall 6’3″ man. You know, he had hands like stone. I thought hewas like Flipper. Every time I threw him the ball, down, onto the ground. I waslike, oh my god, we’re in trouble.有一年我从南美洲的哥伦比亚招了一个守门员,很高大,1米9的个子。你知道吗,他的手像石头一样滑。我觉得他那时候就像 《海豚故事》 里那条叫弗里波的海豚一样,每次我扔球过去,他总接不住,我那时心想,“完了,我们有麻烦了”。 Simple solution: get to the wall, kick a ballagainst the wall and catch it. Kick the ball against the wall and catch it. Hisgoal was 350 a day for eight months. He came back, his hands were calloused,the moisture on his hands were literally gone, he is now playing in Europe.解决办法很简单:让他面对墙,对着墙踢球,然后接住球。对着墙踢球,然后接住球。连续八个月,他每天练350个球。然后他回来了,手上全是老茧,他的手再也不“滑”了。现在他在欧洲踢球。 Magic? No. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Theproblem is, we expect to be self-confident but we can’t be unless the skill, orthe task we’re doing, is not novel, is not new to us.这是魔法?不是。反复练习,反复,再反复。关键在于,我们希望能有自信,但是我们不可能有自信,除非需要的技能或者我们要完成的任务是我们熟悉的。 We want to be in a situation where we have so muchpressure in that and what I mean, because pressure builds diamonds, we want tobe in a situation where “Hey, I’ve done this a thousand times”.我们需要处在一个适当的压力水平下,我们当然需要压力,压力才能产生钻石。这个压力水平就是当我们觉得“哦,我做这个都做了一千次了”。 I did my speech, and I practiced in front of amirror: bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla. Hey I’m sounding good. And then I went infront of my kids, and my wife. I said, oh gosh, I got a little nervous. ThenI’d get in front of Glenn Gould, Oh my goodness, I am a little more nervous!我准备演讲的时候对着镜子练习,“嗯,我讲得不错”。然后我站在我的小孩和太太面前讲,我说,哦,天哪,我有一点点紧张。然后我站在古尔德面前讲,哦老天,我更加紧张了一点! By the time I get to the ACG, where 2,500 people,can’t say anymore, right? Twenty-five hundred people, where twenty-five hundredpeople are there, I won’t have a single ounce of nervousness because of myability to practice. Right? Over, and over, and over, again.等到我在ACG演讲,有2500个人,不会有更多人了是吧?2500个人,那里有2500个人,但我一点也不紧张。因为我的练习。练习,一次次的练习。 The problem with repetition is: how many of us bailafter the first bit of failure? How many of us bail after the first bit ofadversity? Edison was on that video, and it depends who you ask, there’sanywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 tries to build that light bulb. 1,000 to 10,000.问题在于,我们中有多少人一碰到失败就放弃了?多少人一碰到不顺就退缩了?我们讲到爱迪生,不同人有不同的数字,但反正爱迪生尝试了1000到10000次才发明了电灯泡,1000到10000次。 J.K Rowling should be on that video. Do you know howmany publishers she took her Harry Potter book to? I believe the nume,practice, practice, and do not accept failure.我的意思是,她经过了12次的被拒之后才成功。练习,练习,再练习,不要被失败打垮。 Maybe it shouldn’t be repetition, maybe the answershould be persistence. Because we all repeat something but very few of usreally will persist. So that’s one way to build self-confidence. Get out there.Do what you want to do and do not accept no.或许“反复”这个词不妥,应该叫“坚持”。因为我们都能重复做一件事,但很少有人会坚持住。这就是建立自信的一种办法。勇敢出发,做你想做的事,不要被“不”打败。 The other one is self-talk. We all have a self-talktape that plays in our head. Anybody go shopping and put on a pair of pantsthis week? If you’re a woman, the first thing that always comes: “Damn I lookfat in these pants!.”另一个办法是和自己谈话,我们每个人脑子里都有一套和自己谈话的录音带。这里有人这周出去购物,然后试穿了某条裤子吗?如果你是个女人,第一反应永远是:“老天,我穿这裤子显得真肥!” And if you’re a man, it’s the opposite: “Oh god, Igot no muscle, I’m so flabby!” Right? We all have this tape that plays in ourhead.如果你是男人,反应正好相反:“哦天哪,我没有肌肉,我看起来那么松松垮垮!”我们脑子里都有这样的录音带。 As a student, if they asked me the question, it waslike: “Oh, gee please professor don’t pick me, I don’t know the answer.” I’dlook down. Right?做学生的时候,如果教授提问,学生会想:“哦天哪,教授千万别挑我回答,我不知道答案”。然后我就假装低头看地,对吧? If you’re in the b…when I, let me tell yousomething, and the VP of business admin is here, I shouldn’t repeat this, butwhen they hired me as an athletics director, I sat in an architect’s meeting,and I am as dumb as a post when it comes to anything to do with numbers andangles.让我来告诉你一件事,我不该讲这个故事(但让我再讲一遍)。当学校负责人聘我做体育部主任的时候,我参加了一个建筑设计师的会议,当我听到那些数字、角度,我完全呆如木鸡。 And they are like: the fund ibulat or valve of thearchitectural, uh, what do you think doctor Joseph? Uh, let me look into thatfor you and get back to you. Right?会上是这样的:他们讲到这个建筑的某某阀门,然后问我“你的意见呢,约瑟夫博士?”(我回答):“呃,让我想想,再联络”。 I was in a, oh god god, please don’t ask me, pleasedon’t ask me. We all have this negative self-talk that goes in our head.我当时就在这样一个“哦老天,别问我,千万别问我”的情形下,我们每个人脑子里都有这样负面的自我谈话录音带。 Guess what? There’s enough people that are tellingus we can’t do it. That we’re not good enough. Why do we want to tell ourselvesthat? We know for a fact that thoughts influence actions. We saw it there withthe video Sheldon, Dr. Levy showed.你想,已经有够多的人告诉我们“你做不到”,告诉我们“你不够好”,为什么我们还要和自己说那些呢?我们知道思想是会影响行动的,我们从莱维博士的视频里已经看到了。 We know that our thoughts influence actions, why dowe want to say that negative self-talk to ourselves? We need to get our ownself-affirmations. Muhammad Ali, what was his self-affirmation? I am the greatest!Who else is going to tell you?思想影响我们的行动,为什么还要和自己说那些负面的话?我们需要自我肯定。拳王阿里,他怎样自我肯定?“我是最伟大的!”别人还有谁会这么告诉你? There need to be quiet moments in your bedroom,quiet moments when you’re brushing your teeth. That we need to reaffirm: “I amthe captain of my ship and the master of my fate!” That is my affirmation.我们需要这样安静的时刻,在卧室里,在刷牙的时候,这时候我们需要肯定自己:“我是我自己这艘船的船长,我命运的主人!”这就是我的自我肯定。 I came from a school of one thousand people, I livedin a town of one thousand people for fifteen years; there’s no reason that Ishould be in charge of an Athletics department, building maple leaf gardens.But I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.我来自一个只有1000人的学校,我在一个只有1000人的小镇住了15年;没什么一定的理由要我来主管一个体育系,去负责建造体育场,但是我是船长,是我命运的主人。 If I don’t say it, if I don’t believe it, no oneelse will.How do you build self-confidence? Get away from the people who willtear you down. There’s enough of that.如果我不和自己这么说,我自己都不相信,就更不会有其他人相信了。你怎么建立自信?远离那些打击你自信的人,我们听到这样(打击人的话)够多了。 Muhammad Ali, I am the greatest! There is no one betterthan me. There’s a difference between hubris, and ego, and false pride. It’sjust reminding yourself in quiet silent moments, I put it down on a list, it’sright beside my mirror, right? about all the things that make me who I am.记住拳王阿里:“我是最伟大的!没有人比我更好了”。狂妄、自大和虚假的傲慢,这些是有区别的。我们要的只是在那些安静的时刻提醒自己,那些让我成为我的理由,把它们写下来,放在镜子边。 Because I make enough mistakes, and the newspaperswill recognize it, and people around me will recognize it; and they’ll tear medown, and pretty soon I’ll begin to believe it.因为(如果我不这么做的话,)我犯的错误够多了,报纸会发现这些错误。我周围的人会看到这些错误。然后他们会打击我,然后过不了多久,我就会相信这些打击人的话了。 There was a time when my confidence was really low.There was a time when I took this job when I came from Iowa, I don’t know if Icould do it. I had to bring out my self-confidence letter. A letter I wrote tomyself when I was feeling good.有一段时间我非常没有自信。那时我从爱荷华州过来,接受这份工作,我不知道能否胜任。那时我拿出了我写给自己的信,它让我鼓起信心。这封信是我意气风发的时候写的。 Ivan, congratulations on getting your PhD before 40.Congra…I am 40, under. Congratulations on winning a national championship. Goodjob on raising three good kids and marrying the right woman.伊凡,祝贺你在40岁之前拿到了博士学位,祝贺你,对了我还没到四十岁。“祝贺你赢得了全国冠军”,“祝贺你娶了一位好太太,养大了三个好孩子”。 I wrote a letter to myself, it was my own bragsheet. My own letter about the things I was proud of. Because there aremoments, and we’ll all experience them in our career, in our lives, in our jobhunting, in our relationships; when we are not feeling good about who, andwhat, and where we are.我就这样给自己写了一封信。它是我的“自夸”列表,那上面有我为之骄傲的成就。我们的职业、生活道路上、求职、人际关系中,总会有一些时刻:我们感觉不太好,不确定我们是谁,我们的身份,以及为什么会在这里。 And I had to bring out that letter and read it timeand time again, for a period of about two weeks, to weather me through thatstorm. It was important. Stop the negative self-talk. If you watch you’ll seesome athletes that have a little bandage, or a little brand around them.每到那个时候,我就拿出那封信。一遍遍地读,读大概两周,以帮助我度过舆论的风暴。这很重要。停止那些自我否定。如果注意的话,你会发现有些运动员身上有个小创可贴,或者小的商标牌在身上。 Lance Armstrong is a perfect one. What’s hisself-affirmation? Livestrong isn’t a brand, it was to remind him of who he was.Live strong. Then it became a brand. He would move that from one arm to thenext arm, when doubt and fear came into his mind.兰斯•阿姆斯特朗是个很好的例子。他的自我肯定是这样的:“强大的活着”。这个并不是商标代言,这是用来提醒他“我是谁”的,然后这个变成了他个人精神的代言。当疑虑和恐惧来袭,他会把它在手上移来移去。 Live strong, put it on there, let’s go. We’ll allhave it, we place it. Two ways to build self-confidence. I’m worried about mytime。强大的活着,把这句话记下来,然后冲锋陷阵,我们都会有这样一句话的。以上是两种办法来建立自信,有点担心时间不够。 I’m going to tell you of one way you can build self-confidencein others. We are coaches and educators, we are teachers, we are people whowill create value in the world; and in doing that, we are critical by thenature of what we do.让我来告诉你一种帮助别人建立自信的办法。作为教练、教育工作者、老师,我们是为这个世界创造价值的人;因为这个工作,我们责任重大。 I am a coach, I want you to score a goal. The ballwent over high. “Dang it!” The ball went high! “Thank you coach, I know that.Feedback tells me that.”我是个教练,我希望你能进球。球踢高了,“该死!”球踢高了,“谢谢你教练,我知道我看到球踢飞了”。 So what do we do? I need you to put your elbow here,I need you to put your knee over the ball, I need you to follow through. Boom.Land. Great.然后我们做什么?我需要你把肘关节放在这里,把膝盖这样放在球上,然后这样踢出去。砰,球进了,很好。 Notice, I never made it as a professional. What canwe do? We fix mistakes. When I’m fixing that mistake: “Johnny, this isterrible, you need to bend your knee, you need to do this, this.”其实我自己作为足球运动员从来做不到。我们能做什么呢?我们改正别人的错误。当我在改正那个错误时:“约翰,这太糟了,你应该弯曲膝盖,你应该做这个、做那个”。 What have I done to Johnny’s self-confidence? Bendyour knee, then do this, then do this. Next thing you know, Johnny’s crushed.Ignore what Johnny does wrong and find Bob or Sally or Freda over here. Greatgoal Freda, I love how you kept your knee low, you followed through, and youlanded like this. Great job!我对约翰的自信心做了什么呢?弯曲膝盖,然后做这个、做那个。然后,约翰的信心被打击了。如果忽略约翰做错的地方,而是转向另一边的鲍勃、萨莉或弗雷达,“好球,弗雷达!你膝盖放低的动作很好,踢出去的动作和射门的动作也很好,干得好!” Johnny: “Oh?” Great! Johnny’s not demoralized. Hisconfidence isn’t shot, and what I’ve done is, I’ve built up Freda’s. Imaginehow we could change the way we parented kids. Instead of: “get that glass offthe counter, what’s wrong with you?”约翰这时的反应会是:“哦?”太好了!约翰没有被打击士气。没有伤害他的自信,而且我还建立了弗雷达的自信。想象一下我们可以怎样改变我们为人父母的方式。别这样做:“把那杯子从吧台拿开,你出什么毛病了?”  If we catch the mother, good. Great job! Great job.Thank you Alice for taking your glass to the counter. It sounds simple but weforget about it. Or as educators, or as somebody as a team, if we manage topraise the positive behaviour that we wanted to reinforce.如果我们看到母亲做了一件事,好。干得好!“谢谢你,爱丽丝,谢谢你把杯子拿到吧台”。听起来很简单,但我们总忘记。作为老师,作为一个团队,我们应该去赞扬那些我们想巩固的行为, We forget it. It sounds so simple. Catch them whenthey’re good. We forget it. It’s simple. Here’s what they did.大家老忘记这点,虽然听起来这么简单。抓住那些好的表现。我们总忘记,这太简单了。现在看看人们是怎么做的。 There was a study in Kansas that did this. They didvideo, and we all do video. And we show the video of them doing the run of theplay: “Um, this goal happened because the basket wasn’t protected, we didn’trotate here, right? We needed to do this and then cover the slot.”在堪萨斯有这样一个研究,和我们一样,他们拍下了训练的录像。然后把录像给运动员看:“呃,这个进球是因为没人保护球网,你们在这里没有转身,对吧?你们应该这样做去保护这个区”。 And, if that’s the baseline, improvement of theKansas State team went like this. Then, they said they ignored all of that andthey just showed them the times they did it right. The times they did itperfect. That presented no goals, spoke to the same points, improvement wentlike that.然后呢,如果这是原来的表现,堪萨斯州队毫无提高。实验里人们选择忽略了这些错误。只是挑出对的时候,做得很好的时候,把这些录像给运动员看。其他和原来一样,表现提高了一大截。 It changed and revolutionized the way we as coachesinteract with our student athletes. We can apply that to the business world, wecan apply that to our student group works, we can apply that to our managementteams.这个实验完全改变了我们作为教练该如何和学生运动员交流的方式。这个结果可以应用到商业,应用到学生组织的工作,应用到团队管理。 Easily: catch them when they are good. Last andcertainly not least. My son is really good at this. Self-confident peopleinterpret feedback the way they choose to. I ask my son who is by the far aterrible, terrible athlete, gets it from his dad.很简单:抓住人们做得好的时刻。最后再说一点,自信的人用自己的方式来理解别人的反馈,我儿子对此非常擅长。我儿子是迄今为止最糟的运动员,从他爸爸那遗传的。 The game’s…How’s the game? Oh great! I scored threegoals, I got two assists. I’m like: “I did not see him touch the puck!” But hehas his own perception of how he did! I love it!我问我儿子,“比赛怎么样?”, “哦,很好!我进了三个球,有两个助攻”。我心里想:“我压根没看到他碰到球!”但是他对自己的表现有自信的理解,太爱他这自信了! Right? I’m the…I’m that guy! I’m like: “I rememberwhen I was taking when I met my wife, it was in the commons. “Paulie, would youlike to go to the movies? Ladies? Tingly, tingly, tingle.”对吧?我就是那个人!我记得当我第一次遇到我太太是在公共休息室。“宝莉,要不要一起去看电影?”邀约女生啊,又激动又兴奋。 And she goes: “Ah, no.” I asked her again. Because Ithink that she just hasn’t seen me in the right light. Maybe, that’s not thewrong shirt on. Right? Because I’m interpreting that the way I want tointerpret it.然后她回答:不要。然后我又邀请她了,因为我觉得第一次的时候我站那里的光线不对。或者,我穿的衬衫不对,我就是在按照我要的方式去理解这件事。 Finally I asked her out again. She gave me this onecomment, right? Or, she sent it to her friend. Because that’s the way you didit back then. “She wouldn’t date you unless there was the last person on Earth,hell was freezing over, there was a small chance we had to save the planetEarth.最后我又去邀请她了,她给我留了这样一句话,通过朋友留的,那个时候大家都这样做。“宝莉不会和你约会的,除非你是全世界剩下的最后一个男人了,世界即将冰封,而我们还有一丝机会去拯救地球”。 Some people, it’s like, there’s no chance. I’m like:“You’re saying there’s a chance.” Right? Because that’s how I’m going tointerpret it. If I could give you one thing to take from this, it is: no onewill believe in you unless you do.对有些人来说,这就是没戏了。而对我来说,“你的意思是我还有一丝机会呢”, 这就是我理解的方式。从这个例子里我想让你知道:没有人会相信你,除非你自己先相信自己。 Listen to the words of that video, here’s to thecrazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in thesquare holes. We’re supposed to be different, folks. And when people look atus, believe in yourself. Thank you.听清楚,下面这句话我送给狂人,不合群的,反叛的,老惹麻烦的,与周围格格不入的人。我们生来就该与众不同。当人们的目光投向你时,相信你自己!谢谢。



最新评论

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表