英语家园

 找回密码
 注册

QQ登录

只需一步,快速开始

扫描二维码登录本站

快速提高英语水平本广告位招租

社区广播台

查看: 72|回复: 0
收起左侧

[TED] 【公开课】别为了后悔而后悔

[复制链接]
发表于 2019-10-3 01:17:59 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
我们一生中可能做过一些傻事,一些让我们悔之不已的事情。我们都会说,如果再能有一次重新来过的机会,故事的结局肯定会有所不同。是这样吗?你人生中有哪些事到如今还放不下的悔恨呢?本期的演讲者凯瑟琳·舒尔茨(Kathryn Schulz)就用她的“纹身经历”举例,告诉我们怎样接受后悔。



I made a lot of mistakes and dumb decisions, of course. I do that hourly. But I had always felt like, look, you know, I made the best choice I could make given who I was then, given the information I had on hand. I learned a lesson from it. It somehow got me to where I am in life right now. And okay, I wouldn't change it. In other words, I had drunk our great cultural Kool-Aid about regret, which is that lamenting things that occurred in the past is an absolute waste of time, that we should always look forward and not backward, and that one of the noblest and best things we can do is strive to live a life free of regrets.

我做过很多错事和傻事,这是当然的,而且从来没间断过。但我觉得,我在当时的状况下基于手头具有的信息,作出了最好的选择。我学到了一些这就是我成为现在的我的原因,我不会改变的,也就是说我深知我们对后悔的文化,也就是为过去的事情悲伤,简直就是在浪费时间。我们应该常常向前看而不是向后看,我们最好应该做的事就是争取活在没有后悔的世界了。

This idea is nicely captured by this quote: "Things without all remedy should be without regard; what's done is done."

有句话很好地表达了这个观点:“放开无法挽回的事情,泼出去水收不回来。”

But if you want to be fully functional and fully human and fully humane, I think you need to learn to live, not without regret, but with it.

但是如果你想正常功能,做正常人,有人性,那就得学着不要一悔再悔。

So let's start off by defining some terms. What is regret? Regret is the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past. So in other words, regret requires two things. It requires, first of all, agency -- we had to make a decision in the first place. And second of all, it requires imagination. We need to be able to imagine going back and making a different choice, and then we need to be able to kind of spool this imaginary record forward and imagine how things would be playing out in our present. And in fact, the more we have of either of these things -- the more agency and the more imagination with respect to a given regret, the more acute that regret will be.

首先让我们定义一下几个词语,什么是后悔?后悔是我们觉得如果过去做法不同当下的状况就会更好更幸福时的情绪表达,也就是后悔包含两点:首先是对象——我们曾经作出个决定;第二是想像,我们要想像如果能回到过去,作出不同的选择,那么我们就能据此想像未来,眼下的事情会如何发展。这两样我们有的越多——在一个遗憾上有更多的对象和想像,这种后悔就越强烈。

So top six regrets -- the things we regret most in life: Number one by far, education.

六大遗憾——我们人生里的第一大遗憾:教育。

The second characteristic component of regret is a sense of bewilderment.

我们人生里的第二大遗憾:困惑感。

This real sense of alienation from the part of us that made a decision we regret. We can't identify with that part. We don't understand that part. And we certainly don't have any empathy for that part -- which explains the third consistent component of regret, which is an intense desire to punish ourselves.

这是尝试把做出后悔决定的那部分自己跟自身孤立起来。我们无法认同那部分自己无,法理解那部分而我们绝对不喜欢那部分自己——这就带来了后悔第三波,一种强烈的自我惩罚的愿望。

So it's not that I sat there in my bedroom that night, thinking, "Make it go away." It's that I sat there and I thought, "Make it go away. Make it go away. Make it go away. Make it go away." So if you look at the psychological literature, these are the four consistent defining components of regret.

那天晚上我就坐在卧室里想“我不要这样!” 我就这么坐着一直想“不要这样,不要这样,不要这样,不要这样。” 如果你查看心理学文献,这些就是悔恨的四个阶段。

But I want to suggest that there's also a fifth one. And I think of this as a kind of existential wake-up call.

但我想说还有第五阶段,我想这是一种自我觉醒。

In point of fact, no insurance covers acts of idiocy. The whole point of acts of idiocy is that they leave you totally uninsured; they leave you exposed to the world and exposed to your own vulnerability and fallibility in face of, frankly, a fairly indifferent universe.

没有什么保险保自己干的蠢事,愚蠢的结果就是自己完全无保障,你完全袒露在这个世界面前。袒露在你自身的脆弱和不可谱面前。事实上,这是个相对无情的世界。

So how are we supposed to live with this? I want to suggest that there's three things that help us to make our peace with regret.

那我们怎么才能面对悔恨?我想提三点建议来让我们平和地面对后悔。第一就是意识到它的普遍性。

The second way that we can help make our peace with regret is to laugh at ourselves.

第二点去平和地处理后悔就是学会自嘲。

The third way that I think we can help make our peace with regret is through the passage of time, which, as we know, heals all wounds.

第三点我想就是通过时间的流逝来慢慢平和地面对遗憾,治愈我们所有的伤口。

Here's the thing, if we have goals and dreams, and we want to do our best, and if we love people and we don't want to hurt them or lose them, we should feel pain when things go wrong. The point isn't to live without any regrets. The point is to not hate ourselves for having them.

总之就是如果我们有目标和梦想,我们想尽最大的努力或者如果我们爱一些人,不希望伤害到他们或失去他们,当这些出现问题的时候我们理应感到痛苦,问题的关键不是生而无悔而是不要因后悔而厌恨自己。

The lesson that I ultimately learned from my tattoo and that I want to leave you with today is this: We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them. Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better.

我从纹身上学到的东西,我想今天跟你们分享的就是:我们应该学会去爱,我们制造出来的、不完美有缺陷的东西并原谅自己导致了这样的结果,遗憾并不是要提醒我们所做的糟糕行为,而是提醒我们可以做得更好。



上一篇:【公开课】芭蕾的起源
下一篇:【公开课】我不是你刻板印象中的亚洲人!
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

随便看看 精彩图片 帖子导读 联系管理
快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表