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[TED] 【TED】包容:我们何时拿起,何时放下!

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汇报天数: 101 天

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[LV.6]常住居民II

积分排名 2

管理员

Rank: 45Rank: 45Rank: 45Rank: 45Rank: 45

白雪公主管理员勋章

发表于 2017-8-11 11:12:19 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式



1.This summer I was back in Ohio for a family wedding, and when I was there, there was a meet and greet with Anna and Elsa from "Frozen."

今年夏天我回俄亥俄州去参加一个亲戚的婚礼。 当我在那里, 与他人会面时,被《冰雪奇缘》中的安娜(Anna)和艾莎(Elsa)迎接。

2.Not the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen,"

噢,那当然不是《冰雪奇缘》中的安娜和艾莎,

3.as this was not a Disney-sanctioned event.

因为这并不是迪士尼公司批准的活动。

4.These two entrepreneurs had a business of running princess parties.

这两个商人有公主派对的業务。

5.Your kid is turning five?

如果你的小孩五岁了,

6.They'll come sing some songs, sprinkle some fairy dust, it's great.

她们会来唱一些歌,撒一些“仙尘”,这太棒了。

7.And they were not about to miss out on the opportunity that was the

phenomenon and that was "Frozen."

并且她们不想错过 那些关于《冰雪奇缘》等热门现象的机会。

8.So they get hired by a local toy store, kids come in on a Saturday morning, buy some Disney swag, get their picture taken with the princesses,

所以她们受雇于当地玩具店, 在一个星期六上午,孩子们来了, 买一些迪士尼饰品,和公主们合影留念,

9.call it a day.

然后到此为止。

10.It's like Santa Claus without the seasonal restrictions.

这就像圣诞老人一样,只不过没有时令限制。

11.(Laughter) And my three-and-a-half-year-old niece Samantha was in the thick of it.

(笑声) 并且我三岁半的外甥女萨曼莎对这正来劲。

12.She could care less that these two women were signing posters and coloring books as Snow Queen and Princess Ana with one N to avoid copyright lawsuits.

她根本就不在乎这两个女人,在海报和彩色画册上以“Snow Queen(雪女王)”以及 为了避免版权诉讼的 "Princess Ana(只有一个字母N的阿娜公主)" 的名字签名。

13.(Laughter) According to my niece and the 200-plus kids in the parking lot that day, this was the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen."

(笑声) 对我的外甥女和那天在停车场的200多个孩子来说, 她们就是《冰雪奇缘》中的安娜和艾莎。

14.It is a blazing hot Saturday morning in August in Ohio.

那是个八月里俄亥俄州炽热的星期六上午。

15.We get there at 10 o'clock, the scheduled start time, and we are handed

number 59.

我们在十点钟到达,即计划中开始的时间, 我们被排到第59号。

16.By 11 o'clock they had called numbers 21 through 25; this was going to be

a while, and there is no amount of free face painting or temporary tattoos

直到十一点整,他们终于叫了21到25号。 但还得再等上一段时间。 而这里没有能够阻挡店外那令人崩溃的炎热之气,

17.that could prevent the meltdowns that were occurring outside of the store.

免费的面部彩绘或临时纹身贴

18.(Laughter) So, by 12:30 we get called: "56 to 63, please."

(笑声) 所以,到十二点半,终于轮到了我们, “56到63号,请进。”

19.And as we walk in, it is a scene I can only describe you as saying it looked

like Norway threw up.

当我们进入时,我能给你描述的就只是 好像挪威呕吐了一样

20.(Laughter) There were cardboard cut-out snowflakes covering the floor, glitter on every flat surface, and icicles all over the walls.

(笑声) 雪花硬纸剪画铺满了整个地板, 到处都有亮片装饰着每个平面,冰柱遍布在每一堵墻上。

21.And as we stood in line in an attempt to give my niece a better vantage point

than the backside of the mother of number 58, I put her up on my shoulders,

当我们排队站着, 为了让我外甥女有一个 比起在58号孩子母亲的背侧更有利的位置 我把她举到了我肩膀上

22.and she was instantly riveted by the sight of the princesses.

而当她一看见公主的模样就被迷住了

23.And as we moved forward, her excitement only grew, and as we finally got to

the front of the line, and number 58 unfurled her poster to be signed by the

princesses,

我们向前走时,她越来越兴奋, 当我们终于到了队伍的最前面, 58号孩子摊开了她即将被公主们签名的海报时,

24.I could literally feel the excitement running through her body.

我确实可以感受到从她身体透出的那股兴奋。

25.And let's be honest, at that point, I was pretty excited too.

老实讲,当下我也是相当兴奋的。

26.(Laughter) I mean, the Scandinavian decadence was mesmerizing.

(笑声) 我的意思是说,那种北欧斯坎地纳维亚颓废的场景的确非常迷人。

27.(Laughter) So we get to the front of the line, and the haggard clerk turns to my niece and says, "Hi, honey. You're next!

(笑声) 所以我们终于到了队伍前, 面带倦容的店员朝我的外甥女说: “嗨,亲爱的,你是下一个!

28.Do you want to get down, or you're going to stay on your dad's shoulders for

the picture?' (Laughter) And I was, for a lack of a better word, frozen.

你是想下来, 还是继续待在你爸爸的肩上合影?“ (笑声) 那时,语塞的我,冻若木鸡。

29.(Laughter) It's amazing that in an unexpected instant we are faced with the

question, who am I?

(笑声) 令人惊讶的是,在那个不预期的时刻,我们面对着这一个问题: 我是谁?

30.Am I an aunt? Or am I an advocate?

我是一个阿姨吗?或者问,我是一个倡导者?

31.Millions of people have seen my video about how to have a hard

conversation, and there one was, right in front of me.

数百万的人们看过我的有关如何对那些难以启齿的事开口的录影带, 而现在这个,就在我面前。

32.At the same time, there's nothing more important to me than the kids in my

life, so I found myself in a situation that we so often find ourselves in,

同一时刻, 没有什么比那些在我生命中的孩子更重要了, 所以我发现我自己在一种我们经常察觉自己深陷其中,

33.torn between two things, two impossible choices.

被两件事,或者两个不可能的选择拉扯着。

34.Would I be an advocate?

我会是个倡导者吗?

35.Would I take my niece off my shoulders and turn to the clerk and explain to her that I was in fact her aunt, not her father, and that she should be more careful

我会把我的外甥女放下来,转身去朝店员解释说 事实上,我是她的阿姨,不是她的爸爸吗? 并且说,她应该更加留心,

36.and not to jump to gender conclusions based on haircuts and shoulder rides -- (Laughter) -- and while doing that, miss out on what was, to this point, the

greatest moment of my niece's life.

不要根据发型以及把小孩扛在肩上这种事拿来判定一个人的性别—— (笑声) 且在做这件事的时候, 错过了在某种程度上,对我外甥女来说是一生中最美好的时刻。

37.Or would I be an aunt?

或者让我只是一个阿姨?

38.Would I brush off that comment, take a million pictures, and not be distracted

for an instant from the pure joy of that moment, and by doing that,

我可以忽略那句评论,照很多相片, 而丝毫不从那单纯的欢乐中被打断, 但如果这么做,

39.walk out with the shame that comes up for not standing up for myself,

especially in front of my niece.

我将带着未为自己据理力争的羞耻感,走出店门。 尤其是,在我外甥女面前。

40.Who was I?

我到底是谁?

41.Which one was more important? Which role was more worth it?

到底哪一个比较重要?哪一个角色值得得多?

42.Was I an aunt? Or was I an advocate?

我是一位阿姨吗?或者我是一个倡导者?

43.And I had a split second to decide.

我只有一剎那的时间去决定。

44.We are taught right now that we are living in a world of constant and increasing polarity.

现在我们被教导 我们生活在一个不断极化、对立的世界,

45.It's so black and white, so us and them, so right and wrong.

就像黑与白,我们与他们,对与错。

46.There is no middle, there is no gray, just polarity.

在这其中,没有中间状态,没有灰色地带,只是对立。

47.Polarity is a state in which two ideas or opinions are completely opposite

from each other; a diametrical opposition.

对立指的是:1. 一种两个想法或观点 完全相反的状态; 2. 截然相反的敌对。

48.Which side are you on?

你站在那一边?

49.Are you unequivocally and without question antiwar, pro-choice, anti-death

penalty, pro-gun regulation, proponent of open borders and pro-union?

你真的是斩钉截铁地反对战争,赞成合法堕胎,反对死刑, 主张枪支管制,主张开放边境,并且支持联邦政府吗?

50.Or, are you absolutelyand uncompromisingly pro-war, pro-life, pro-death

penalty, a believer that the Second Amendment is absolute,

或者,你又的确毫不含糊地 主战,反堕胎,主张死刑, 认为政府应当允许公民持有并使用枪支,

51.anti-immigrant and pro-business?

反对移民并且亲企業?

52.It's all or none, you're with us or against us.

是与否,支持我们与反对我们——

53.That is polarity.

这就是对立。

54.The problem with polarityand absolutes is that it eliminates the individuality

of our human experience and that makes it contradictory to our human nature.

对立化与绝对化的症结,在于—— 它忽略了我们的人生阅历所带来的个人特点, 也与人性相违背。

55.But if we are pulled in these two directions, but it's not really where we

exist -- polarity is not our actual reality -- where do we go from there?

我们或许在对立中不知所措, 但,对立的世界并不真的是我们所存在的世界—— 现实并不总是对立的—— 我们由现实去向何方?

56.What's at the other end of that spectrum?

而在另一个极端的,又是什么?

57.I don't think it's an unattainable, harmonious utopia, I think the opposite of

polarity is duality.

我不认为这是一个达不到的和谐乌托邦, 我认为对立的反面是二元性。

58.Duality is a state of having two parts, but not in diametrical opposition, in

simultaneous existence.

二元性是:1. 一种双重性的状态, 但不是针锋相对。 2. 同时存在。

59.Don't think it's possible?

你难道不认为那是可能的吗?

60.Here are the people I know: I know Catholics who are pro-choice, and

feminists who wear hijabs, and veterans who are antiwar, and NRA members

who think I should be able to get married.

就提我所知道的一些人为例: 我认识提倡堕胎合法的天主教徒,戴头巾的女权主义者 反战的退伍军人, 以及那些认为我应该能结婚的全国步枪协会(其反对强制限制)的工作人员。

61.Those are the people I know, those are my friends and family, that is the

majority of our society, that is you, that is me.

那些是我认识的人,那些是我的朋友和家人。 那是我们社会的大多数,那是你,那是我。

62.(Applause) Duality is the ability to hold both things.

(掌声) 二元性是一种能够包容两种事物的能力。

63.But the question is: Can we own our duality?

但问题是:我们能拥有属于我们的二元性吗?

64.Can we have the courage to hold both things?

我们有能够包容两种事物的勇气吗?

65.I work at a restaurant in town, I became really good friends with the busser.

我在镇上的一家餐厅上班, 我与服务员助理成了很要好的朋友。

66.I was a server and we hada great relationship, we had a really great time

together.

而我是一个服务员,我们关系很好。 我们在一起度过了非常美好的时光。

67.Her Spanish was great because she was from Mexico.

她的西班牙语很好, 因为她来自墨西哥(墨西哥官方语言为西班牙语)。

68.(Laughter) That line actually went the other way.

(笑声) 看来这句话实际上起了反效果。

69.Her English was limited, but significantly better than my Spanish.

她的英语有限,但明显比我的西班牙语强啊!

70.But we were united by our similarities, not separated by our differences.

但我们因为我们的相似性而合作无间, 而不会因为我们的不同而分离。

71.And we were close, even though we came from very different worlds.

即使我们来自非常不同的世界,我们仍很亲近。

72.She was from Mexico, she left her family behind so she could come here and afford them a better life back home.

她来自墨西哥, 她离开了她的家庭,是为了能来这里工作, 补贴家用,让他们在家能过上更好的生活。

73.She was a devout conservative Catholic, a believer in traditional family

values, stereotypical roles of men and women, and I was, well, me.

她是个虔诚的天主教徒, 那种深信传统家庭价值观、 传统性别角色的人, 而我是,呃,还是我。

74.(Laughter) But the things that bonded us were when she asked about my

girlfriend, or she shared pictures that she had from her family back home.

(笑声) 但让我们结合的东西是她打听我的女朋友的时刻, 或者是她分享了来自她家里的照片。

75.Those were the things that brought us together.

就是那些东西让我们更接近彼此。

76.So one day, we were in the back, scarfing down food as quickly as we could, gathered around a small table, during a very rare lull,

所以有一天,我们在储藏室, 聚在一块小桌旁,尽我们所能狼吞虎咽地吃, 在罕见的平静中,

77.and a new guy from the kitchen came over -- who happened to be her

cousin -- and sat down with all the bravado and machismo that his 20-year-old

body could hold.

一个新来的家伙从厨房里过来了—— 那人碰巧是她堂弟—— 带着20岁的他所能表现出来的虚张声势以及男子气概 坐下了。

78.(Laughter) And he said to her, [in Spanish] "Does Ash have a boyfriend?"

(笑声) 他对她说:“(西语)阿什有男朋友吗?”

79.And she said, [in Spanish] "No, she has a girlfriend."

她回答:“(西语)不,她有一个女朋友。”

80.And he said, [in Spanish] "A girlfriend?!?"

他又说:“(西语)一个,女朋友?!”

81.And she set down her fork, and locked eyes with him, and said, [in Spanish] "Yes, a girlfriend. That is all."

她放下了她的餐叉,盯着他的眼睛说: “(西语)是的。一个女朋友。就是这样。”

82.And his smug smile quickly dropped to one of maternal respect, grabbed

his plate, walked off, went back to work.

他那自命不凡的微笑很快就变成了那种对母亲的尊重的笑容。 他抓着他的盘子走开了,又回去工作。

83.She never made eye contact with me.

她说这话时对我从没有眼神接触。

84.She left, did the same thing -- it was a 10-second conversation, such a short

interaction.

她也走了,做着同样的事—— 这是一次十秒钟的谈话,如此短的互动。

85.And on paper, she had so much more in common with him: language, culture, history, family, her community was her lifeline here, but her moral compass

trumped all of that.

理论上,她和他多的是相似之处: 语言、文化、历史、家庭,甚至她的社区,是她在这里的生命线, 但她道德罗盘所指引的,却胜过所有。

86.And a little bit later, they were joking around in the kitchen in Spanish, that had nothing to do with me, and that is duality.

过了一会,他们又在厨房里用西班牙语 开着那些和我无关的玩笑, 这,就是二元性。

87.She didn't have to choose some P.C. stance on gayness over her heritage.

她不必为了选择站在同性恋立场而舍弃了她的传承。

88.She didn't have to choose her family over our friendship.

她不必为了选择她的家庭而舍弃我们的友谊。

89.It wasn't Jesus or Ash.

这不是耶稣或者阿什。

90.(Laughter) (Applause) Her individual morality was so strongly rooted that she had the courage to hold both things.

(笑声) (掌声) 她的个人道德观念是如此根深蒂固, 让她有能包容两件事物的勇气。

91.Our moral integrity is our responsibility and we must be prepared to defend it even when it's not convenient.

维持我们道德的完整性,是我们的责任, 我们为了保护它必须做好准备,即使是在困难的时候。

92.That's what it means to be an ally, and if you're going to be an ally, you have to be an active ally: Ask questions, act when you hear something inappropriate,

这就是成为一名支持者的意义,如果你要成为一名支持者, 你只能是一个活跃的支持者: 提出问题,在听到不适当的话语时行动,

93.actually engage.

全心全意的投入。

94.I had a family friend who for years used to call my girlfriend my lover.

我有一个家人的朋友,她几年来都习惯叫我的女朋友 “我的爱人”。

95.Really? Lover?

真的吗?爱人?

96.So overly sexual, so '70s gay porn.

这过度性感, 就像是70年代的同性恋色情。

97.(Laughter) But she was trying, and she asked.

(笑声) 但她在尝试,她也问过了。

98.She could have called her my friend, or my "friend," or my "special friend" -- (Laughter) -- or even worse, just not asked at all.

她本可以叫我的女朋友 “我的朋友”, 或者 “朋友”,或者 “摯友”—— (笑声) 或者更糟,根本都不问。

99.Believe me, we would rather have you ask.

相信我吧,我们宁可你问。

100.I would rather have her say lover, than say nothing at all.

比起什么也不说,我宁可让她说“爱人”。

101.People often say to me, "Well, Ash, I don't care.

人们经常对我说,“好吧,阿什,我其实不在乎。

102.I don't see race or religion or sexuality.

我并不关心人种、宗教或者性别之类的。

103.It doesn't matter to me. I don't see it."

这些跟我没关系。我不在意它们。”

104.But I think the opposite of homophobia and racism and xenophobia is not

love, it's apathy.

但我认为,对同性恋的憎恶、种族主义以及仇外主义的反面并不是爱, 是冷漠。

105.If you don't see my gayness, then you don't see me.

如果你并不在意我是同性恋者,那么你也不会在意我。

106.If it doesn't matter to you who I sleep with, then you cannot imagine what it

feels like when I walk down the street late at night holding her hand,

如果对你来说我和谁睡觉并不重要, 那么你也无法想像那种 当我在深夜里牵着她的手走在街上的感觉,

107.and approach a group of people and have to make the decision if I should

hang on to it or if I should I drop it when all I want to do is squeeze it tighter.

尤其在接近一群人时,做出决定 看是要继续牵着,还是要放手 而我其实只想握得更紧;

108.And the small victory I feel when I make it by and don't have to let go.

以及我不必再放手时 所感受到的小小胜利。

109.And the incredible cowardice and disappointment I feel when I drop it.

以及当我放手的时候所感到那令人难以置信的懦弱和失望。

110.If you do not see that struggle that is unique to my human experience

because I am gay, then you don't see me.

如果你看不出那些挣扎, 它是属于我独一无二的经验,因为我是同性恋者——那么你也不会看到我。

111.If you are going to be an ally, I need you to see me.

如果你想成为一个盟友,我需要你在意我、看到我。

112.As individuals, as allies, as humans, we need to be able to hold both things: both the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.

作为个体,作为伙伴,作为人类, 我们需要能够包容两件事: 好与坏, 难和易。

113.You don't learn how to hold two things just from the fluff, you learn it from the

grit.

你从顺境中是学不会如何包容两件事的, 你是从磨练中学到它的。

114.And what if duality is just the first step?

再说,如果二元性还只是第一步?

115.What if through compassion and empathy and human interaction we are

able to learn to hold two things?

如果通过同情心与恻隐之心以及人际互动 我们就能够学会包容两件事呢?

116.And if we can hold two things, we can hold four, and if we can hold four, we

can hold eight, and if we can hold eight, we can hold hundreds.

而且如果我们能包容两件事物,那我们同样也能包容四件。 如果我们能包容四件事物,那我们同样也能包容八件。 如果我们能包容八件事物,那我们同样也能包容成百上千件事物。

117.We are complex individuals, swirls of contradiction.

我们是多元化的个体, 矛盾的漩涡。

118.You are all holding so many things right now.

你们现在已经包容了很多事情。

119.What can you do to hold just a few more?

为了能够多包容一点,你还能做些什么?

120.So, back to Toledo, Ohio.

那么,回到俄亥俄州的托莱多市。

121.I'm at the front of the line, niece on my shoulders, the frazzled clerk calls me Dad.

我在那条队伍前, 肩上扛着外甥女,疲惫的店员称我为父亲。

122.Have you ever been mistaken for the wrong gender?

你曾经被认错性别吗?

123.Not even that.

甚至不只是这样,

124.Have you ever been called something you are not?

你曾经被人误称吗?

125.Here's what it feels like for me: I am instantly an internal storm of contrasting emotions.

这就是我的感受: 我立刻被卷入由相斥的情感混杂而成的风暴中。

126.I break out into a sweat that is a combination of rage and humiliation, I feel

like the entire store is staring at me, and I simultaneously feel invisible.

我因愤怒与屈辱而出了一身的热汗。 我觉得整间商店都在盯着我看。 同时我感觉不被看见。

127.I want to explode in a tirade of fury, and I want to crawl under a rock.

我想在千言万语的愤怒中爆发, 我想钻到地洞里去。

128.And top all of that off with the frustration that I'm wearing an out-of-character

tight-fitting purple t-shirt, so this whole store can see my boobs,

但最令人沮丧的是:我特意穿了 一件不相称的紧身紫色T恤,好让这整个商店的人 都可以看到我的胸部。

129.to make sure this exact same thing doesn't happen.

来确保这种认错性别的事不会发生。

130.(Laughter) But, despite my best efforts to be seen as the gender I am, it still happens.

但是,虽尽了我的最大努力让别人认清我的性别, 这种事仍然发生了。

131.And I hope with every ounce of my body that no one heard -- not my sister, not my girlfriend, and certainly not my niece.

我希望我身体不被人听到的一点一滴—— 不是我的姐妹,我的女朋友,当然更不是我的外甥女。

132.I am accustomed to this familiar hurt, but I will do whatever I need to do to

protect the people I love from it.

我已习惯这种熟悉的伤害, 但我会尽我所能去保护我所爱的人不受这种伤害。

133.But then I take my niece off my shoulders, and she runs to Elsa and Anna -- the thing she's been waiting so long for -- and all that stuff goes away.

但接下来我把我的外甥女从肩头放下, 她朝艾莎和安娜跑去—— 那是她等了那么久所期待的—— 但一切的一切都远离了我。

134.All that matters is the smile on her face.

她脸上的微笑,付出一切都值得。

135.And as the 30 seconds we waited two and a half hours for comes to a close we gather up our things, and I lock eyes with the clerk again;

我们为那30秒等了两个半小时也即将结束时, 我们收拾我们的东西,而且我再一次盯着那位店员;

136.and she gives me an apologetic smile and mouths, "I am so sorry!"

她给了我一个歉意的微笑,并且不出声地说: “我实在很抱歉!”

137.(Laughter) And her humanity, her willingness to admit her mistake disarms

me immediately, then I give her a: "It's okay, it happens. But thanks."

(笑声) 她的人性化,她的勇于承认错误立刻瓦解了我。 然后我对她说:“没关系,偶尔会发生,但谢谢。”

138.And I realize in that moment that I don't have to be either an aunt or an

advocate, I can be both.

在那个时刻我意识到 我没有必要 只能选择当阿姨或倡导者,我能同时扮演两个角色。

139.I can live in duality, and I can hold two things.

我能二元性地生活,并且我能包容两件事物。

140.And if I can hold two things in that environment, I can hold so many more

things.

并且如果我能在那种情境中包容两件事物, 那么我能包容更多的事物。

141.As my girlfriend and my niece hold hands and skip out the front of the door, I turn to my sister and say, "Was it worth it?"

当我的女朋友和我的外甥女牵着手,溜出前门时, 我朝着我的姊妹说:“这值得吗?”

142.And she said, "Are you kidding me?

她回答:“你在开玩笑吗?

143.Did you see the look on her face? This was the greatest day of her life!"

你看到她脸上的样子了吗?这是她生命中最棒的一天!“

144.(Laughter) "It was worth the two and a half hours in the heat, it was worth the overpriced coloring book that we already had a copy of."

(笑声) ”这两个半小时在炎热中的等待是值得的, 甚至是那本我们已经拥有的超贵彩色画册也是值得的。”

145.(Laughter) "It was even worth yougetting called Dad."

(笑声) “你被叫做‘爸爸’同样也是值得的。”

146.(Laughter) And for the first time ever in my life, it actually was.

(笑声) 这是我生命中的第一次,它真的是值得的。

147.Thank you, Boulder. Have a good night.

谢谢大家,谢谢 TEDxBoulder,晚安。

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