演讲题目：Save it to your desktop!

演讲简介：

喜剧演员艾伦・雷斯尼克表示，大家的电脑使用方式全都错了。在这场荒诞搞笑的演讲中，他给出了一个简单办法，既能解决电脑桌面文件泄露问题，也能收拾好实体桌面杂乱外泄的各类物件。



中英文字幕

So I recently just completed a short film about computers, and I'm very excited to be able to premiere it right now at TED. Let's take a look. Thank you. Did that scare you?

我最近刚拍完一部和电脑相关的短片，特别开心能今天在 TED 进行首映。咱们一起来看看吧。谢谢大家。刚才那段吓到你们了吗？

I think that's because computers actually are kind of scary, aren't they?

我认为这是因为计算机实际上有点可怕，不是吗？

Hi, my name is Alan Resnick, and if you don't know me, I'm a bit of a "tech-head." What does that mean?

嗨，我的名字是Alan Resnick，如果您不认识我，我有点“技术头脑”。“这是什么意思？

It means an average day for me is spent surfing the web, checking my emails and just clicking on links.

这意味着我平均一天都花在上网、检查电子邮件和点击链接上。

That's sort of me in a nutshell.

简而言之，这就是我。

And when I'm not doing that, I tour the country, and I teach people how to use computers.

当我不这样做的时候，我会走遍全国，教人们如何使用计算机。

And the number one thing I've noticed all over is that people are afraid of computers.

我注意到的第一件事是人们害怕计算机。

They're scared.

他们很害怕。

And don't get me started on the internet, you guys.

伙计们，不要让我在互联网上开始。

Has anyone here ever been online?

这里有人上网过吗？

Two, three hands.

两个，三个

You guys gotta get online.

你们得上网。

It's incre -- I'm telling you, there's some crazy stuff online, you guys.

越来越多了--我告诉你们，网上有一些疯狂的东西，伙计们。

I don't have time to get into it right now, but they have photos and videos of people online, and they're performing a kind of love that I am not comfortable with.

我现在没有时间谈论它，但他们有网上人们的照片和视频，他们正在表演一种我不舒服的爱。

OK?

好吗？

And they have your data.

他们有你的数据。

They do.

他们会去的而且

These sick people have your data.

这些病人有你的数据。

Are you comfortable with that?

你对此感到满意吗？

I'm not.

我不满意。

But I have a question for you guys, and it is a real question.

但我有一个问题要问你们，这是一个真正的问题。

How do you use your computer?

你如何使用你的电脑？

How do you guys use your computers?

你们是怎么用电脑的？

Just curious.

只是好奇。

Can we get her a mic?

能给她个麦克风吗

How do you use your computer?

你如何使用你的电脑？

Audience Member: Well, I usually use my computer for work.

观众：嗯，我通常使用电脑工作。

So emails and, you know, sending messages to folks. This is wrong.

所以电子邮件和，你知道，向人们发送消息。这样不对。

This is incorrect. I hate to say this, but you're using your computer wrong.

这是不正确的。我不想这么说，但你用错了电脑。

You know, not "use." I don't love that word "use." We don't "use" computers, do we?

不是“利用。“我不喜欢这个词“的用法我们不“使用”电脑，是吗？

No.

不。

I think of computers a little like grandparents, actually.

事实上，我对计算机的看法有点像祖父母。

You wouldn't use your grandmother, right?

你不会用你的祖母吧？

But your grandmother can make your life easier if you use her properly.

但如果你正确使用你的祖母，她可以让你的生活更轻松。

So what is the proper way to use a computer?

那么什么是正确使用电脑的方法呢？

Tonight I'm going to share with you my one simple trick that's going to make your life a lot easier, it's going to protect your data and it's going to calm you down.

今晚我将与您分享我的一个简单技巧，它会让您的生活变得更轻松，它会保护您的数据并让您平静下来。

OK, here it is.

好的，在这里。

What is he saying?

他在说什么？

I can't hear him. What are you saying?

我听不到他的声音。你在说什么？

I'm saying save it to your desktop!

我是说将其保存到您的桌面上！

It's as simple as that.

就这么简单。

Save it to your desktop.

将其保存到您的桌面。

OK?

好吗？

Yeah, we can clap for that.

是的，我们可以为此鼓掌。

That's pretty cool.

那很酷。

That is pretty cool.

这很酷。

You're going, "Alan, it can't be that easy." It is.

你会说，“艾伦，这没那么容易。“是的。

But before we can talk about desktops, we have to talk about something else.

但在我们谈论台式机之前，我们必须谈论其他事情。

Look at this.

看看这个

Check this out.

看看这个

This is pretty cool.

这很酷。

Look at that.

看啊

You see this?

你看到这个了吗？

My skin.

我的皮肤。

Look at -- Whoa!

看--哇！

My skin is vibrating.

我的皮肤在振动。

But it's vibrating -- it's very hard to tell.

但它在震动，很难分辨

It's hard to see.

很难看清楚。

Here.

这里.

This is vibrating, too.

这也在振动。

But I think you'll be able to see this.

但我想你会看到这一点。

Can you see that?

你能看到吗？

Light vibrates too.

光也会振动。

Are you -- I need a response.

你是--我需要一个回应。

Can you see that?

你能看到吗？

You can?

你可以？

That's because of the eye-brain system.

这是因为眼脑系统。

The visible spectrum.

可见光谱。

Rods and cones.

视杆细胞和视锥细胞。

Rods and cones.

视杆细胞和视锥细胞。

Rods and cones.

视杆细胞和视锥细胞。

But my skin is vibrating, too.

但我的皮肤也在振动。

But it vibrates at a rate that you can't see or perceive, but dogs and pets can actually hear.

但它的振动速度你看不到或感知不到，但狗和宠物实际上可以听到。

They hear our skin.

他们听到我们的皮肤。

So I know you like to touch a little dog's head.

所以我知道你喜欢摸小狗的头。

But that passive action is actually causing them extreme inner ear pain, so you shouldn't touch dogs.

但这种被动行为实际上会导致它们的耳膜极度疼痛，所以你不应该触摸狗。

But here's what you didn't know.

但这是你不知道的。

My computer vibrates too.

我的电脑也会振动。

Did you know that?

你知道吗？

Computers vibrate.

电脑会振动。

And they happen to vibrate at the exact opposite rate as human skin.

它们的振动频率正好和人类皮肤的振动频率相反。

That's amazing.

太棒了

So when you're working with a computer, those vibrations are phasing.

因此，当你使用计算机时，这些振动是定相的。

And when you touch a computer, you have a vibration rate of zero.

当你触摸电脑时，你的振动率为零。

There is only one moment in every person's life when they have a vibration rate of zero, and that is on their fifth birthday, when they blow out the candle.

每个人的一生中只有一个时刻振动率为零，那就是他们的五岁生日，当他们吹灭蜡烛的时候。

So you go on, "Alan, you convinced me." If working with computers feels even half as good as a little boy's birthday, then sign me up.

所以你继续说道，“艾伦，你说服了我。“如果使用电脑的感觉甚至只有小男孩生日的一半好，那就报名给我吧。

The glove is off and we're ready to change our lives forever.

手套已经脱掉，我们准备好永远改变我们的生活。

But how?

但如何？

I already told you, desktops. Save it to your desktop! I already said that. Save it to your desktop.

我早就跟你们说了，放桌面！存到桌面上去！我都讲过一遍了，保存到桌面。

OK. I think you're ready.

Do you guys want to see my desktop? I can’t hear you. Do you guys want to see my desktop?

Come on! OK, let's do it!

Here we go. Let's get it booted up.

Here it is. It's my desktop.

Whoa!

好嘞，我准备妥当啦。大伙想看看我的桌面吗？听不到你们回应呀。各位想看我的桌面吗？来嘛！行，这就安排！走起，开机启动看看。喏，就是这儿，我的桌面。哇哦！

That's amazing. You're going, "Alan, I could never have something like that."

太绝了。你们心里肯定会想：“艾伦，我永远都弄不出这么好看的桌面。”

If you follow my simple rule, save it to your desktop, you're not only going to have an awesome desktop,

you're actually going to have a wicked, awesome life. Now check this out. This is cool.

只要遵守我这个简单诀窍 —— 把文件都存到桌面，你不光能拥有超赞的桌面，整个人的生活也会变得精彩又顺心。快看这个，是不是超酷。

The desktop -- is a little like my desk's top surface, right? So I have file folders on the computer. And guess what? I got them here too.

电脑桌面，就有点像我书桌的台面，对吧？电脑里我放了不少文件夹。猜猜看？现实的书桌上我也摆了文件夹哦。

What kind of things can you save to your desktop? Anything. You can have photos, emails, PDFs. Those are like packets. You can have movies, video games, key codes, MP3s, zip disks.

大家能把什么东西存到桌面呢？什么都行。照片、邮件、PDF 文件全都可以。这些文件就像是一个个资料包裹。你还能存放影片、电子游戏、密钥、MP3 音乐、压缩磁盘文件。

These are all useful things that you can save to your desktop. So it's sort of an organizational technique.

这些全都可以存到桌面，都是很实用的文件。所以这也算是一种整理收纳的小方法。

So I'll give you an example. Let's say your dad emails you some pics of the lawn. All you have to do is ... OK. Yeah, you got to just save them to the desktop. Just save those right to the desktop.

我给大家举个例子。比方说你爸爸发邮件给你，附带了几张草坪的照片。你只需要这样做……很简单，直接把照片保存到桌面就行。直接存到桌面就完事了。

And after you do that, you're going to want to print out a copy for yourself, which you're going to place on your desk's top.

这样做后，您需要为自己打印一份副本，并将其放在您的办公桌顶部。

Can I get those photos? Where the heck are those photos?

能把那些照片拿给我吗？那些照片到底放哪儿去了？

Oh, thank you so much. So -- This is cool. So now you always know where everything is. You're not going to lose anything. I'll give you another example. I'm just going to pick a file at random.

太感谢了。你看，这样是不是很棒？现在所有东西的位置你都一目了然，再也不会弄丢文件了。我再举个例子，随便挑一个文件给大家看看。

Let's just pick a random file.

让我们随机选择一个文件。

OK? Eeny meeny miny moe. Catch a tiger by the t -- Oh. This is a little embarrassing.

懂了吗？伊尼米尼迈尼莫（欧美经典数数童谣），抓住老虎的尾 —— 哎呀，这下有点社死了。

This is actually an old poem I wrote.

这实际上是我写的一首老诗。

Egg on my face.

鸡蛋在我脸上。

It says, "Why whisper when a yell can travel just as far?

它说：“当喊叫声可以传播那么远时，为什么要低声说话呢？

A whisper yelled is a whisper heard." Hmm.

喊出的低语就是听到的低语。“嗯。

So where did I save that?

那么我把它保存在哪里呢？

Let's see.

让我想想。

Where did I save that?

我把它保存在哪里了？

It looks like I put that on...

看起来我把它放在了...

OK, that's C5, that's the bottom right corner of my desk.

好的，那是C5，那是我桌子的右下角。

So it should be here.

所以它应该在这里。

Oh, Goddamn it!

哦，该死的！

Here it is!

在这里！

You can clap for that. That's cool! This is amazing. This is amazing.

大家可以鼓鼓掌哈，是不是超厉害！绝了，真的太棒了。

Now I'm noticing there's a couple eagle-eyed viewers in the audience, and they're looking at my computer and they're going, "Something's up, something's up." You're going, "Alan, where the heck is your tool bar?" Or dock.

我发现直播间里有几位眼光犀利的观众，盯着我的电脑画面，心里肯定在琢磨：不对劲，有点不对劲。

你们肯定想问：艾伦，你的工具栏跑哪儿去了？还有程序坞呢？

Some people call it dock.

有人称之为程序坞。

I call it a tool bar.

我称之为工具栏。

"Where's your tool bar?"

“你的工具栏在哪里？"

Well, guess what.

你猜怎么着。

My computer doesn't have a tool bar.

我的电脑没有工具栏。

Why?

为什么？

I'm not addicted to my tool bar.

我并不沉迷于我的工具栏。

You think America's got an obesity problem?

你认为美国有肥胖问题吗？

You think we have a fentanyl problem?

你认为我们有芬太尼问题吗？

Folks, we have a toolbar problem.

伙计们，我们遇到了工具栏问题。

Stop using your toolbar.

停止使用您的工具栏。

There is room for everything you need right here on the desktop.

桌面上有空间容纳您所需的一切。

This is silly.

这太蠢了。

This is my -- My girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, actually, made this for me.

这是我的--我的女朋友，我的前女友，实际上是为我做的。

I don't know, it's silly, but I like to look at it.

我不知道，这很傻，但我喜欢看它。

It makes me happy to see this, so I -- I keep it on my desk while I work.

看到这个让我很高兴，所以我工作时把它放在桌子上。

But, uh -- Yeah.

但是...

No, no, it's, um -- It's not in the computer.

不，不，它，嗯--它不在电脑里。

Yet!

然而！

But literally anything can be saved to your desktop.

但实际上，任何内容都可以保存到您的桌面上。

All you have to do is rig up a camera around a bucket at 90 degrees. You're going to want to fill the bucket with black water and paint your beloved object white.

你只需要把摄像头固定在水桶周边，摆放成 90 度夹角就行。你会想用黑水装满桶，并把你心爱的物体漆成白色。

And here's what you do.

这就是你要做的。

It's really easy.

这真的很简单。

You submerge the object in the water and film yourself as you pull it up, recording its topology through time.

你把物体放在水中，把它拉上来的时候拍下自己，记录下它的拓扑结构。

You're going to get the topology of every axis, axes, axi.

您将获得每个轴、轴、轴的布局。

And once you have the axis data, all you have to do is boolean the axis.

一旦您拥有轴数据，您所要做的就是布尔化轴。

You're going to end up with an OBJ file that's super high quality, you can render in an infinite quality of lighting conditions.

您最终将获得一个超高质量的ObJ文件，您可以在无限质量的照明条件下渲染。

And then there's only one thing left to do. What are we going to do? Save it to your desktop. Yes. Oh my God. Save it to your desktop! Yes! Woo!

接下来就只剩最后一步要做了。咱们要干什么？把文件保存到桌面。没错！我的天，存到桌面就完事啦！太棒啦！

If you do this, you will always have the things you want and need and love, and you will know exactly where to find them.

如果你这样做，你将永远拥有你想要、需要和喜爱的东西，并且你将确切地知道在哪里可以找到它们。

You never have to be lonely again.

你再也不用感到孤独了。

You will be happy and people will love you.

你会很快乐，人们会爱你。

Listen, if you don't have organizational skills and desktop skills, I'm sorry, folks, you're not going to get that job.

听着，如果你没有组织能力和桌面技能，我很抱歉，伙计们，你们就得不到那份工作。

Your data, it's going to be leaking on the floor.

你的数据会泄露到地板上。

People are going to be slipping.

人们将会下滑。

They're going to be slipping on your data.

他们将丢失您的数据。

You can say "bye-bye" to your kids.

你可以对你的孩子说“再见”。

They're going to be living on their desktops.

他们将生活在桌面上。

Mark my words, in one year's time, people will literally be, blah, blah, blah, blah, talking to their computers.

记住我的话，一年后，人们将会对着他们的电脑说话。

In two years, people are going to be walking around with glasses so powerful they're never going to need to come home.

两年后，人们将戴着强大的眼镜四处走动，他们永远不需要回家。

And in three years' time, computers will have gotten so small they will literally fit on a piece of breakable glass.

在三年的时间里，计算机将变得如此之小，以至于可以装在一块易碎的玻璃上。

OK. Thank you so much. My name is Alan Resnick.

太感谢了，我的名字是艾伦·雷斯尼克。

I really hope that helped.

我真的希望这有帮助。

You've been incredible.

你们太不可思议了。

I love you so much.

我太爱你们了。

Good night. Thank you.

晚安。谢谢。