演讲题目：Work is not your family

演讲简介：

或许你有必要听听这句话（如果你还没听过的话）：你的工作岗位并非你的家。你固然可以和同事建立真挚深厚的关系，但将职场当作家庭，反而容易导致心力交瘁，还会损害你的身心健康。心理健康指导师格洛丽亚・陈・帕克为你梳理了一系列调整心态的实操方法，帮你重新划定工作与生活的边界，让你活得更自在、更有掌控感。



中英文字幕

"We're like family."

“我们就像家人一样。"

This is a phrase that's become quite popular in our places of work to try to make work feel a little less like this and a little bit more like this.

这是一个在我们的工作场所变得非常流行的短语，试图让工作感觉少一点这样，多一点这样。

It's a phrase that started in the last decade or two to try to elicit feelings of warmth and belonging and really that "cool culture" vibe.

这是一个始于过去一两年的短语，试图引起温暖和归属感，以及真正的“酷文化”氛围。

The laid-back break rooms with beanbag chairs and the beer on tap and those tight-knit teams that got through everything together like a family.

悠闲的休息室配有豆袋椅和自来水的啤酒，以及那些紧密团结的团队，像一家人一样一起度过了一切。

It's a phrase that started with positive intent and has had positive outcome.

这句话始于积极的意图，并产生了积极的结果。

However, what's gone far less recognized and discussed is how calling work our family can actually be quite detrimental to our mental and emotional health without our knowing it.

然而，人们对工作的认识和讨论要少得多的是，在我们不知情的情况下，我们的家庭如何称呼工作实际上会对我们的心理和情感健康造成相当损害。

Which is why I'm here today to offer the reminder that work is not your family.

这就是为什么我今天在这里提醒你，工作不是你的家庭。

And to explore how this "cool culture" catchphrase often ends up breeding burnout instead.

并探索这种“酷文化”的口号如何最终往往会滋生倦怠。

My name is Gloria Chan Packer.

我的名字是格洛丽亚·陈·帕克。

I am a mental wellness educator and an experienced corporate leader.

我是一名心理健康教育者和经验丰富的企业领导者。

In 2018, I founded a company called "Recalibrate" to try to deliver workplace mental wellness services that were more modern,

2018年，我创立了一家名为“重新校准”的公司，试图提供更现代化的工作场所心理健康服务，

accessible and science-backed.

易于访问且有科学支持。

Since that time, I and my team have gotten to work with almost 20,000 employees all over the world.

从那时起，我和我的团队已经与世界各地的近20，000名员工合作。

Now, the reason this topic, exploring how calling work our family can be problematic and breed burnout,

现在，这个话题探讨了如何将工作称为我们的家庭可能会有问题并滋生倦怠，

the reason it's important to me is because I've personally lived it.

它对我来说重要的原因是因为我亲身经历过它。

Before we get into that, though, let's first baseline by understanding why calling work our family at its core can be problematic.

不过，在我们开始之前，让我们首先了解为什么将工作称为家庭的核心可能会有问题。

Doing so, psychologically infers a really big blur and betrayal in our boundaries.

这样做，从心理上推断出我们的界限非常模糊和背叛。

Work and family are different entities with different goals, expectations and responsibilities, and therefore should be separated and boundaried.

工作和家庭是不同的实体，有不同的目标、期望和责任，因此应该分开和有界限。

For example, I'm not going to be in the shower one day and notice a really weird mole on my pregnant belly and roll into my boss's office like I would my mom and be like,

例如，我不会有一天在洗澡的时候发现我怀孕的肚子上有一颗奇怪的痣，然后像我妈妈一样冲进老板的办公室，说，

"Hey, can you can you get in here and look at this?

“嘿，你能进来看看这个吗？

This looks kind of weird.

这看起来有点奇怪。

I'm freaked out."

我吓坏了。"

A few of us are giggling or laughing, but I'm sure a few of us, too, in our heads are like, "Oh, have I done something weird like that at work?

我们中的一些人在咯咯地笑或大笑，但我确信我们中的一些人在脑海中也会想，“哦，我在工作中做过这样的奇怪事情吗？

Have I crossed a boundary before?" Boundaries are hard for a lot of us because many of us never learned boundaries.

我以前越过界限吗？“界限对我们很多人来说都很难，因为我们很多人从未学会过界限。

It's kind of a newer, buzzy phrase that not many of us really have learned or defined before.

这是一个较新、流行的短语，我们中的很多人以前没有真正学习过或定义过。

So let's start by defining what boundaries are and why they're so important to our mental health.

因此，让我们首先定义什么是界限以及为什么它们对我们的心理健康如此重要。

I like to think of boundaries as our ability to identify, communicate and take action on our needs.

我喜欢将界限视为我们识别、沟通和针对我们的需求采取行动的能力。

Being able to say, "I need to eat," "I need to rest," "I need some space right now."

能够说：“我需要吃饭”、“我需要休息”、“我现在需要一些空间。"

Survival speaking, boundaries are critical for us as humans to be able to say, "I need something," to be able to find safety and resourcing.

从生存角度来说，界限对于我们人类来说至关重要，因为我们能够说“我需要一些东西”，能够找到安全和资源。

However, it can also be advantageous in certain situations to delay or deprioritize our needs too.

然而，在某些情况下，推迟或取消我们的需求优先级也可能是有利的。

For example, if I'm a human back in the day, running away from a tiger, if I happen to be hungry, it will, of course,

例如，如果我是一个人回到过去，从老虎那里逃跑，如果我碰巧饿了，它当然会，

be beneficial to delay that need for hunger until I'm safe again.

推迟饥饿的需要，直到我再次安全为止是有益的。

However, if, after the tiger has left and I'm safe, I keep staying stuck and being scared of the tiger and delaying my hunger and not eating,

然而，如果老虎离开后，我安全了，我仍然被困在里面，害怕老虎，推迟饥饿，不吃东西，

that becomes unhealthy too.

这也变得不健康。

This shift of delaying our needs into the unhealthy without knowing it is where a lot of us find ourselves unknowingly stuck today.

这种在不知情的情况下将我们的需求推迟到不健康的方面的转变，正是我们很多人今天发现自己在不知不觉中陷入困境的原因。

Somewhere in our lives we learned and adapted that repressing or sacrificing our needs for others was beneficial.

在我们生活的某个地方，我们学会并适应了抑制或牺牲我们对他人的需求是有益的。

But that became so auto-piloted in our subconscious that it goes past the point of diminishing returns and becomes unhealthy.

但这在我们的潜意识中变得如此自动化，以至于它超过了回报递减的点并变得不健康。

To where maybe we land into a workplace and we hear "we're like family" and our brain just triggers into "give it everything no matter what."

当我们进入一个工作场所，听到“我们就像一家人”，我们的大脑就会触发“无论如何都要全力以赴”。"

We sacrifice our boundaries, our time, our relationships, and we start living life in these big swings of overworking to burnout.

我们牺牲了我们的界限、我们的时间、我们的人际关系，我们开始过着从过度工作到倦怠的大转变。

And maybe we rationally know that it's not the healthiest pattern in our life, but we feel stuck.

也许我们理性地知道这不是我们生活中最健康的模式，但我们感到卡住了。

I get that.

我明白。

I've lived through that and sometimes still feel challenged with it.

我经历过这种情况，有时仍然感到挑战。

You see, before I worked in mental wellness, you could argue that I worked in the opposite of mental wellness.

你看，在我从事心理健康工作之前，你可以说我从事的工作与心理健康相反。

I started my career in management and technology consulting, spending almost a decade giving it my all.

我的职业生涯始于管理和技术咨询，花了近十年的时间全力以赴。

I did the 80 to 100 hour billing weeks, the 100-plus fights a year, for years on end,

我每周工作80到100个小时，每年参加100多场比赛，连续多年，

the early promotion chase and didn't scale back on other parts of my life either.

早期的晋升追逐，也没有缩减我生活的其他部分。

Still volunteered, went to my SoulCycle classes did brunch and late nights with my friends until my completely overscoped life turned into burnout cycle after burnout cycle.

仍然是志愿者，去参加Soulycle课程，和朋友们一起吃早午餐，熬夜，直到我完全被遗忘的生活变成了一个又一个的倦怠循环。

In 2017, my brain and body hit a wall.

2017年，我的大脑和身体碰壁了。

I started struggling with debilitating, chronic migraines that, for me, meant that after months of no change and no medication or treatment working,

我开始与衰弱的慢性偏头痛作斗争，对我来说，这意味着经过几个月的没有变化，没有药物或治疗工作，

I knew I had to take at least a leave from work.

我知道我至少必须请假。

And that was devastating for me because work had really become my everything.

这对我来说是毁灭性的，因为工作确实成为了我的一切。

There is a memory that haunts me from that time.

那段时间的一段记忆一直困扰着我。

And it was the night before I was about to go on leave, and I was just grabbing dinner with a friend and my husband.

那是我即将休假的前一天晚上，我正在和一位朋友和我的丈夫共进晚餐。

And I said to my friend, "Work is my entire worth and my identity.

我对我的朋友说：“工作是我全部的价值和我的身份。

I don't know what I'm going to do without it."

我不知道没有它我该怎么办。"

And my husband's body language and face dropped in a way that I had never seen it.

我丈夫的肢体语言和脸以我从未见过的方式下降。

And after my friend left, I remember him saying to me, "I can't believe that you think that work is your only worth when I see so much more.

我的朋友离开后，我记得他对我说：“我不敢相信，当我看到这么多东西时，你竟然认为工作是你唯一的价值。

And I can't believe you can't see that either."

我不敢相信你也看不到这一点。"

It's a poignant memory for me because I remember it feeling so true.

这对我来说是一段辛酸的回忆，因为我记得这感觉如此真实。

And now I know it's not.

现在我知道不是。

But it was a really rough period.

但那是一段非常艰难的时期。

It's such an important one in my life because it gave me the opportunity to do my own mental health work and understand where these burnout behaviors had come from for me,

这在我的生活中非常重要，因为它让我有机会做自己的心理健康工作，并了解这些倦怠行为对我来说是从何而来的，

so that now I could grow into being able to discern when those behaviors are healthy or unhealthy.

所以现在我能够分辨出这些行为是健康的还是不健康的。

For me, where those behaviors started and were adopted is that I grew up learning that I needed to be perfect and to people please and be the best at everything so that I could get myself out of a situation that I felt like I otherwise wouldn't be able to make it through.

对我来说，这些行为开始和被采用的地方是，我在成长过程中了解到，我需要做到完美，让人们满意，在一切方面都是最好的，这样我就可以摆脱我觉得自己无法度过难关的境地。

For me, that perfectionism and people-pleasing was so critical to that point in my life.

对我来说，完美主义和取悦他人对我生命中的那个阶段至关重要。

But then when I just put it on autopilot, it went way past the point of diminishing returns and often became unhealthy for me.

但当我将其置于自动驾驶状态时，它已经远远超过了回报递减的点，并且对我来说经常变得不健康。

That's my story.

这就是我的故事。

Let's spend some time getting to know yours.

让我们花一些时间了解你的。

I'm going to invite you to do a little bit of reflection activity with me as you're comfortable, if you can all just close your eyes wherever you are.

如果大家方便的话，我想邀请你们和我一起做一个小小的反思活动，无论你们现在身处何地，都可以闭上眼睛。

And with your eyes closed, I'm going to ask you to start to bring to mind a part of you that tends to overwork,

闭上眼睛，我会要求你开始想起你身上倾向于过度工作的一部分，

to be a perfectionist or a people-pleaser, struggles to set boundaries.

要成为一个完美主义者或一个讨人喜欢的人，就很难设定界限。

When I ask what it would be like if you tone that part of you back a little.

当我问你如果你把你的那部分调回来一点会是什么样子。

Just let that go a little.

让它过去一点吧。

For the piece of you that pops up with some tension or resistance, let's lean into that and ask, why not?

对于你身上突然出现一些紧张或阻力的部分，让我们深入研究一下并问，为什么不呢？

What would happen?

会发生什么？

What would go wrong?

会出什么问题？

Would things go wrong, the other shoe would finally drop, and it'd be all your fault?

会不会出问题，另一只鞋最终会掉下来，而这都是你的错？

Would you lose success?

你会失去成功吗？

Would you not have anything to talk about in conversation to feel worthy anymore?

你在谈话中不再有什么可谈的了吗？

Then let's practice some curiosity around where you might have first adapted or learned this.

然后，让我们对您可能首先适应或学习的地方进行一些好奇心。

When it might have helped or protected you in life.

当它可能在生活中帮助或保护你时。

Did you learn early on you had to be perfect to avoid shame or discipline?

你是否很早就学会了必须完美才能避免羞辱或纪律？

Or when you were young, did you learn you had to be overly self-reliant,

或者当你年轻的时候，你是否学会了你必须过度自力更生，

you had to take care of everything and everyone because your caretaker couldn't.

你必须照顾一切和每个人，因为你的看护人做不到。

Or maybe later in life, in college, did you learn it was worth sacrificing whatever you needed to get that win or accolade,

或者也许在以后的生活中，在大学里，你是否了解到为了获得胜利或荣誉而牺牲一切都是值得的，

maybe to make up for not feeling accepted earlier in life?

也许是为了弥补早年没有被接受的感觉？

See what it would be to speak to that part of yourself and say, "Thank you so much for making this adaptation.

看看对自己的这一部分说话会是什么感觉，并说：“非常感谢你做出了这个改编。

You helped me through such an important time, but right now, I don't need you to be on the clock all the time anymore.

你帮助我度过了如此重要的时刻，但现在，我不再需要你一直在上班了。

I have a beautiful life that I've built with safety and stability, and I have people in my life that love me for who I am and not what I do.

我有着安全稳定的美好生活，我的生活中有人爱我，因为我是谁，而不是我所做的事情。

You can take a breather so I can too."

你可以喘口气，所以我也可以。"

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