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Hello, my fellow emojis! Glad you could all make it to this "recently used" press conference.

Uh, we have some pizza and bread and ramen and beer if anyone wants any.

As you know, we've made some changes recently, and I just wanted to announce that it's been a resounding success!

I wanna thank everyone for their patience during this transitional period.

Transitional period? Are you calling racial integration a "transitional period"?

Um, well...yes? I mean— My people did not exist before last week.

Yes, I can't imagine how hard that was. We're just...trying to work out a lot of things. We added a lot of African-American versions!

Exactly. We're more than just the black version of the existing white emojis. I personally still feel very underrepresented.

I have the exact same problem. There's only one kind of poop! Say what?

I mean, if we're being honest, poop comes in all shapes and sizes. And we're only represented by my cartoonish dollop.

That is not the same thing. Well, our family unit couldn't even express our outrage until now!

But hey! Now you can! Yeah! Why do all families have to be yellow?

But this is a start, right? Also, what's wrong with being yellow?

Same situation with me—no green poops! No bloody poops!

Or like a...like a green alien, maybe? I am unclear on what my job is. Guys, one at a time! Yes, you!

I just wanted to say thanks for making more versions of myself.

Oh, that's great! Yes. You are quite welcome.

It's amazing. I have a me looking normal, a me looking sad, a me getting my hair cut, and even a me getting my hair washed.

Well, we wanted to make sure you had as many choices as you needed.

Yeah, totally! But it would've been nice to have some women with actual jobs, though.

What? We included a ton of jobs, like dancer, and, I guess, twin bunny dancers and...princess could be one...bride? 什么？

You know what? You might be right about that one. We will certainly work on that.

I think you guys are blowing this out of proportion. Who do you think you are?! Seriously?

Dude, I do not need your help. What if we want more than two kids? Yeah!

Why am I purple?

It's unfair that cats get to express themselves so fully on here and dogs don't. What am I?

I mean, there's two red devil masks but no smiley red devil?

What if I wanted heart eyes? And why don't we have taco? What about maybe half a sun?

That's enough! Please! We are trying! When those Japanese guys came up with us, I don't think they even thought of race, gender

equality, or same-sex marriages.

They just thought this would be a fun way to communicate. We're trying to take steps in the right direction, but no!

I don't know why there are 12 trains, or what the flags are, or why there are no tacos... So you're right! Emojis are far from perfect.

Uh..."those Japanese guys"?