01

    A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks:" How long before I can get a hiarcut?" The barber looks around the shop and says:" About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks:" How long before I can get a hiarcut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says:" About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks:" How long before I can get a hiarcut?" The barber looks around the shop and says:" About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says:" Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." in a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks:" Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said:" To your house."

 

02

    One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

    The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied," Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

 

03

    A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into the house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again open it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went.

    As the man is getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox, open it and then slammed it close harder then ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her:" Is something wrong?" She replied:" There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"