Eye Contact

 

There are many channels for communication and connecting with other people. One of them is the eye contact which is an important nonverbal channel.

 

There is an old myth: if you won’t look at me, I can’t trust you. It might be true, might be not. But if they believe it, it’s true!

 

The most effective way to connect with people is to look at them into the eye. Eyes are the “window to the soul”. The number of messages we can send with our eyes is almost limitless. We always hear the direct, sensual, sardonic, expressive, intelligent, penetrating, sad, cheerful, worldly, hard, trusting, and suspicious to describe a person’s eyes.

 

In China, it is polite to maintain eye contact when talking or listening to someone that will gives an impression that you or they are confident and honest. We can tell them our feelings through eyes and show the interest and encouragement. So we can make a further understanding and our relations will be better. But direct eye is not a custom throughout the world. In Japan, for example, prolonged eye contract is considered rude, threatening and disrespectful. People from Latin American and Caribbean cultures also avoid eye contact as a sign of respect. In English culture, a certain amount of eye contact is required, but problem can arise when Westerners attempt to do business with a group of people who believe it is a sign of impertinence to make prolonged eye contact with their communication partners. They make eye contact at the beginning and then let their gaze drift to the side periodically to avoid “staring at the other person”. In some culture and religious groups, eye contact between men and women is seen as flirtatious or threatening.

 

A story is told of a teenage Puerto Rican girl in a New York high school who was taken, with a number of other girls, to the principal for suspected smoking. Questioned by the principal, the girl kept staring at the floor and refused to meet his eye. Although there was no proof of her wrongdoing and although she had a good record, the principal decided she was guilty and suspended her, basing his judgment on an English saying:＂Don’t trust anyone who won’t look you in the eye.＂＂There was something sly and suspicious about her,＂he said in his report.＂She just wouldn’t meet my eye. She wouldn’t look at me.＂

 

It’s lucky that one of the teachers in the school had a Latin American background and knew about Puerto Rican culture. He went to the principal and explained that according to Puerto Rican culture, a good girl doesn’t meet the eyed of an adult. Such behavior, he explained, is a sign of respect and obedience.

 

Fortunately, the principal accepted the explanation, admitted his mistake and the matter was settled promptly. This difference in interpreting eye contact was a lesson on cultural diversity that he would not easily forget.

 

From the story, we realize that we must analyze the situation and depend on the different cultures to take measures.

 

Different cultures also vary in the amount that is acceptable to watch other people. Some experts call these high-look and low-look cultures. British culture is a low-look culture. Watching other people, especially strangers, is regarded as intrusive. People who are caught ’staring’ usually look away quickly and are often embarrassed. Those being watched may feel threatened and insulted. In high-look cultures, for example in southern Europe, looking or gazing at other people is perfectly acceptable; being watched is not a problem. But if people’s expectation and interpretation clash, irritation and misunderstandings can arise.

 

So many attentions of the eye contact should be learned clearly, that we can avoid the problems arising.